There was no Youtube in 1978.

There were no cell phones in 1978. The only thing that went viral in 1978 was germs—physical, psychological, and through word-of-mouth. Everyone looked up in 1978. No one looked down at the palm of their hand. And they had a different outlook. Their outlook was connected to vastly different Family Values than today’s Family Values. Cultural Ideology deeply and profoundly influenced who they looked up to, who they look out for, and how they looked out for them. It’s too bad there was no Youtube or cell phones back then because a video of this story would have gone viral. A million views and millions of followers. 100% guaranteed. And, it would prove that I’m not lying. The following story sounds like I’m making it up. Every time I’ve told this story, I feel like I’m lying. I’m not. It’s true. The worst part is that no one videotaped it, so readers have to make up their minds whether to believe. Depends entirely on credibility.

On a scorching hot Sunday in July, 1978, I reported for duty at a Niagara Regional police station for a 4-12 Afternoon Shift. I was a 21-year-old street cop, in my third year of crimefighting. I reported for Sunday briefing with the rest of my platoon. Briefing shared some similarities to Mass. You had to show up on time. Talking was prohibited while you sat in rows similar to pews. The Platoon Sergeant stood at the front, preaching a sermon while standing behind a podium. You had to write notes to prove you were paying attention. And no one could leave the briefing room until after the sergeant left. Except when there was an emergency.

On that day, briefing was interrupted with a call of a “large disturbance, possible riot, weapons involved, ambulances en route.” The location was a Catholic Church situated in the centre of a high-crime area in a Niagara Region city. When I arrived along with the rest of my platoon, there was a mob fighting on the front steps, sidewalk, and street in front of the Church. Three assault victims were transported by ambulance to the hospital.

Several people were arrested. They fought with the cops to resist arrest.

At the police station, I asked the guy I arrested, “What happened?” He said, “Some guy blocked the Virgin Mary Procession.” At that moment, I had a flashback to the Humberstone, Virgin Mary Procession I attended every year as a kid in The 60s. Italian kids were forced to walk in the procession with our parents, slow-marching through the streets of Humberstone, starting and ending at St. John Bosco Church. We were forced to sing Italian, Virgin Mary hymns while holding a Rosary. We had to endure ridicule from the public school kids on their porches when we marched past their houses. Back then, people sat on their porch. and they called it a “porch.” Some people called it a “veranda.” I called it “torture.” I called the Humberstone, Virgin Mary Procession, “torture.” I felt guilty so I confessed it at 4 pm Saturday confession, at St. Patrick’s. I confessed that I called the Virgin Mary Procession, “torture.” I confessed that I mumbled the Italian Virgin Mary hymns. I confessed that I didn’t like public school kids. I confessed that I didn’t like Humberstone. And I confessed that I didn’t like St. John Bosco Church because it reminded me of the Virgin Mary Procession torture.

Ironically, I became a public school kid right after the 60s ended. My poor illiterate Italian immigrant parents couldn’t afford to pay for me to go to Notre Dame high school in Welland. I enrolled at Port Colborne High School in 1971. Becoming a public school kid for the first time caused Culture Shock. I was caught in the middle of Bashing Crossfire. I endured Catholic-bashing by Humberstone kids. After school, I endured public-school-bashing by Notre Dame kids who lived in my neighbourhood, who were my ex-elementary Catholic school classmates. When I played football against Notre Dame, my ex-St. Pat’s altar boys colleagues trash-talked me with obscene Gameday public-school-bashing. In return, I trash-talked them with obscene Notre Dame Catholic-bashing. And I never confessed to any of it.

In 1984, I became a 26-year-old Head football coach at Port Colborne High School. We played in the public school league for 2 years. In 1985 we won a 10-0 championship. In the off-season, I asked the league convenor for my team to be admitted into the Catholic school football league. He said I was crazy. They all said I was crazy. They bashed public schools. They said public schools were too poor. They sounded just like my Notre Dame friends who mocked our family poverty for going to Port High. The League Convenor said Catholic high schools were rich in money and talent. I wanted revenge. I didn’t confess that I wanted revenge. They allowed us to join the Catholic League. In Game 1, we played Notre Dame at Notre Dame. We won 27-10. To motivate my poor, public-school team, I bashed Catholics during my pre-game speech. And I bashed them more at half-time. Then I bashed their coaches during the post-game handshake. I confessed to none of it—including the fact that I enjoyed all of it. All this is an example of Synchronistic Spiritual Prompting. I recommend a great book to read about the subject. Title: Synchronicity As The Work Of The Holy Spirit. Author: Lex Ferrauiola.

After I finished writing the arrest report at the police station regarding the Catholic Church riot, a cop on my platoon who also attended the riot, bashed specific Catholics from that Parish, bashed Catholics from the entire city, and then bashed Catholics in general. I argued with him. I told him I was Catholic. He said, “So am I.” He said he was a parishioner where the riot occurred. I can’t repeat what he called 90% of the parishioners.

What’s all this got to do with less and less people showing up for Catholic Mass? We’ve lost Passion and Provocation. That’s why we don’t Show Up, multiple meanings. Passion and Provocation forces you to Show Up, multiple meanings. Passion and Provocation is dying. Passion and Provocation is on life-support. Passion and Provocation is facing extinction. Passion and Provocation is being replaced with Passion for Procrastination, for putting off what puts you off. And vice-versa.

Contrary to popular opinion, provocation does not exclusively mean inciting bad intentions that express anger or rage or contempt or negative emotion. Provocation is an inducement of extreme effort that results in a positive or negative outcome—depending entirely on intention of passion. Provocation is a primal force that unleashes a torrent of energy and exertion, exceeding previous limitations imposed by real or imagined thresholds that hold back full potential of action and reaction. Provocation is induced and expressed by Heat of Passion, a state of intense emotion that generates intense motion.

There’s a reason why the word “motion” is included in the word “emotion.” Showing Up is the outcome of motion. Coaching and teaching taught me that when students and athletes Show Up to class, they went in motion. When students and athletes Show Up to practice, they went in motion. When students and athletes Show Up to the gym, they went in motion. When students and athletes Show Up to break new ground and reach the elusive Next Level, they went in motion. What generated their motion? A state of intense emotion. They were provoked by a Heat of Passion to achieve something bigger than themselves, something outside their selves, something they desperately needed, like oxygen. When humans add anything, good or bad, to their personal list of Basic Survival Needs, they Show Up. They not only Show Up, they never leave. They never leave it behind, and they never leave anyone behind. Their loyalty becomes their brand. They vow to Show Up. They take an oath to Show Up, no matter what, no matter when, no matter why, no matter how. Their oath binds their conscience. The “law” recognized the power of an oath a long time ago. That’s why witnesses are required to swear an oath. To bind their conscience.

Passion and Provocation force you to fully and unconditionally Show Up, multiple meanings: whether it’s convenient or not; comfortable or not; affordable or not. Passion and Provocation forces you to fight, multiple meanings: fight temptation to take flight; fight temptation to fail-to-appear; fight temptation to disappear, and most importantly; fight your worst fear.

Show Up means more than just raising your hand and saying, “Here,” when they take attendance. Saying “present” is easy. It takes no effort, no exertion, no work. No sweat, no pain, no discomfort, no blood, dual meaning: not bleeding for it and not for family. Being “present” takes effort, exertion and gut-spilling work. It takes sweat, causes pain and discomfort, and you do it for Blood even it it draws blood. Saying “present” and being “present” are opposites. One is a matter of words, the other is a matter of works. Those who can’t or won’t, talk about it. Those who can and will, work at it.

Anyone can raise their hand; not everyone can raise someone to be fully and unconditionally “present.” Our ancestors Raised us to Show Up, to be “present.” Post-Modern Society erased that Raising and we allowed it to happen. We consented. We voted for it to happen. We hired people to do it. We paid others to erase Raising. We are accomplices in the erasing of our Raising.

We forgot what Showing Up means—full immersion of mind-body-soul doing the job that has to get done because it’s a Matter of Blood, dual meaning. It has to be in your blood and it has to be for Your Blood. That’s what our ancestors taught us. That’s what they fought for us and why they fought for us. They fought to teach Family Values. Why? For one purpose: to build Worldview & Workview that align with Family Values. Alignment and Assignment. Our ancestors were committed to their Divine Assignment of teaching and building Family Values. Our ancestors understood the significance and relevance of 3F Alignment. Faith-Family-Fatica Alignment was a Basic Survival Need. It was a matter of life and death. And Family Values was the cement that bound the 3F’ structure together. Family Values was the central core that connected the 3 Fs: Faith-Family-Fatica. Without Family Values, Faith and Fatica were disconnected from Family. Result? Acedia. Separation, triple meaning: from Faith; from Family; from Fatica. Result? Broken lives. Broken Alignment. Broken Assignment.

Our ancestors fought. They fought the temptation to relinquish their moral obligation of teaching Family Values to those outside the family. Outsiders reinforced and supported Family Values but Family Values were under the academic control of the Family. No one else. That’s why they’re called Family Values. Teaching Family Values wasn’t discretionary or optional depending on mood, attitude, right time, right place. Even without the Internet, without Google, without Social Media, our ancestors knew that teaching Family Values was a moral obligation cemented in their Culture. Our ancestors didn’t need to download an App to teach Family Values. They didn’t need Artificial Intelligence. They relied on Cultural Intelligence. They didn’t pass the buck. They didn’t forfeit their moral obligation to teach Family Values on Election Day or to teachers or coaches or bosses or consultants. Our ancestors protected their Family Value-teachings and the subsequent Worldview and Workview that emerged.

Bad news. Passion and Provocation to fully Show Up is gone. We’ve lost our Passion and Provocation that forces us to Show Up 100% of the time and give 100% effort all the time—to fight for the connection between Family Values and Faith. And the connection between Family Values and Fatica.

Post-Modern Society let Passion and Provocation die a slow, unnatural death. Just like in football, we lost “possession of our balls.” Turnover happened. We became neutered and neutralized. We lived life in the Neutral Zone, never jumping offside or even onside. We stayed a safe distance from the action. Why? The Neutral Zone is a safe place. You don’t have to risk anything. You don’t have to risk being criticized or canceled. You don’t have to risk being disliked or deleted or blocked or unfriended or offended or even defended. When you lose possession of your balls, your opponent has balls. Then what happens? You always play defence; they always play offence. You’re always offended. And you’re never fully defended. You’re always on the defensive while the opponent is always on the offensive. That’s why coaches tell their teams to protect their balls. That’s why coaches preach, “never lose possession of your balls.” It’s impossible to cross the goal-line without possession of your balls.

Bad news. Nothing grows in the Neutral Zone, including balls. Strength doesn’t grow, smarts don’t grow, balls don’t grow. You remain Neutral and Neutered, hoping the problem solves itself or dissolves itself.

Passion and Provocation forces you to Show Up in a Big Way, for good or bad. Passion and Provocation to Show Up were essential elements of our Culture. They were products of nature and nurture. Back then, people didn’t have Passion and Provocation just for one thing. They had Passion and Provocation for everything. Reason? Passion and Provocation was a Cultural Soul. Passion and Provocation was a Lifestyle, dual meaning. A way of life and a way to extend life for the rest of your life. Faith, Family, Fatica was for life. Forever and the pulse of life.

In The 60s, no one searched for motivation. Why? It was in Their Blood, dual meaning: it was in their DNA Code, and; it was their Blood Type.

More bad news: we have genetically modified our DNA. We have changed or Blood Type. We squandered our inheritance. We moved away, starting a chain reaction. We moved away from Family. Then we moved away from Faith. Then we moved away from Fatica. Moving away is Social Long-Distancing. Contrary to popular myth, the Pandemic didn’t invent or cause social distancing. We all know when that started. We all know the exact moment when we moved away. No one ever forgets when anyone moves away. Why? Because it creates the dreaded Psychological Void. And it creates the dreaded pursuit to fill it. Both become indelibly etched in long-term memory.

Post-Modern Society searches tirelessly for motivation. The conventional concept of motivation is a myth. At best, or worst, depending on perspective, motivation is a temporary feeling. You momentarily feel good about what you heard, saw, or read. You feel a spark. But, the fire goes out when reality hits—it all sounds like fun until the work has to get done. Provocation is different. Provocation is rocket fuel that compels and propels attendance and achievement. Provocation ignites a Heat of Passion and vice-versa. It forges a lifestyle. You live it. You never leave it. You don’t need motivational speakers or motivational books. You’re fuelled by 3F responsibility. Responsibility for Faith, Family, Fatica.

Why do some people Show Up?

Why do some people not Show Up?

Those who Show Up live by a Code, a Cultural Code of Conduct governed exclusively by their conscience, individually and collectively. One voice, one volume. Same intensity, same frequency. Those who Show Up built the number one character trait of High Achievers: conscientiousness. They identify with and are identified by conscientiousness. It’s humanly impossible to be disciplined in mind-body-soul without having built unconditional conscientiousness. What is true conscientiousness? Conscience-driven passion and provocation to consistently Show Up for every moment that matters to build the 3Fs: Faith, Family, Fatica.

Every single day, all humans decide whether to Make a Vow to Show Up in any relationship, personal or professional. The decision depends on subconscious and conscious calculations of Cost & Reward. In The 60s, the economics of personal Cost & Reward were structured by Culture. Cemented and wired into Family Values that shaped Worldview & Workview; that produced a Passion for production, for building, for growing, for evolving. Personal Evolution was not discretionary. It was mandatory. So was teaching and mentoring a child’s Personal Evolution. Maturing into a responsible adult who Showed Up for Faith, Family, Fatica was deemed a moral responsibility, not an option that depended on the conditions of convenience and comfort. Parents considered it their assignment to guarantee that their children developed survival skills to function maturely as adults. They accepted their moral obligation as their Life Mission. They didn’t need to “find their why” or Google ‘how to find ‘meaning.’” They connected with their conscience. Post-Modern Society has replaced The Conscience with Google, Social Media, and their Newsfeeds. The only search engine our ancestors needed was their conscience. They were taught and raised by The Code. Bad news. My generation started Code-Breaking. We experimented with it, taught it, voted for it, elected it, Googled it, posted it, liked it and shared it. Then we followed it, dual meaning: we became followers of Post-Modern Code-Breaking. To be fair, we were warned. Psychologists warned us long ago about the danger and evils of conformity.

Three 20th Century landmark studies all concluded the same thing: at least 66% of humans are blind followers who crack under peer pressure just to fit in even when it doesn’t fit what they were raised to believe. Conformity erases raising. That means at least two-thirds of humans will conform to the thoughts and practices that contradict their Family Values and principles for one reason: to fit in, to be a part of the crowd. Why? Fear. Fear of being different. Fear of fighting for their values and principles. Fear of the work and effort involved. Fear of being scolded and scorned. There’s at least a 66% chance that your kids will become victims of Peer Pressure and do bad things they were not raised to do. There’s at least a 66% chance that you will do something in your lifetime that you won’t believe in. There’s at least a 66% chance that you will cave into Adult Peer Pressure and cross your heart by doing something that contradicts what you truly believe in your heart and soul. I recommend you Google three psychology conformity studies: Asch, Zimbardo, Milgram. Those are the surnames of the researchers who conducted the studies. You’ll be shocked, hidden meaning.

Bad news. It’s higher than 66%. Like with house prices, food prices, gas prices, and the entire cost of Canadian living, the percentage of conformity has experienced extreme inflation. It’s now over 90%. I have anecdotal evidence of this. Over 90% of humans will follow, accept, and adopt other people’s behaviours and beliefs even if it contradicts their own. Why? More Fear. Fear of missing out. Fear of being left out. Fear of not being picked out. Fear of being an outsider. Fear of being an outcast. Fear of disapproval. Fear of being disliked. Fear of criticism. Fear of critics. All those fears make you scared to death of being different, of saying no, of fighting for your Family Values you were raised with, of fighting for your beliefs that your ancestors fought for you to learn. I’ve taught over 25,000 students & athletes: evidence of the Post-Modern 90% Rule of Conformity—social media counts followers. Look carefully at the word “follower.” It includes the word “lower.” Be careful you don’t become a follower of what lowers you. And vice-versa. You lower, then you become a follower of what lowers you more.

More bad news. When you follow and lower, you Move Away, multiple meanings: moving away in mind, body, and soul; moving away from one place; moving away from another place. Moving away becomes a habit. So does not moving away. Moving away is any action of distancing physically, intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually. Where does the Moving Away chain reaction start? Moving away from Family Values.

Here’s the irony. Our ancestors moved away from their families. They moved away because of starvation. They moved away from wars and resulting depression–economically, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. But they didn’t move away from Family Values. That’s why they never moved away from their Faith and Fatica. In fact, they moved closer to Faith and Fatica when they started their own families. What did Post-Modern Society do? The opposite. We didn’t just move away, we pushed away. We pushed away and got pushed around. Our Family Values got pushed around and pushed away. The distance got longer. We became spectators. We retreated to the sidelines and watched. We became addicted to watching screens. All sizes of screens. Big, medium, small. We abandoned the frontline and settled for screens on the sidelines. Result? BloodShed, dual meaning: we shed ourselves from our Blood, and; Blood shed from Faith.

Good News. There are a lot of solutions. Here’s one solution with a rich, proven history that has worked and still works. You can see it in a 4-hour PBS documentary called “Gospel,” hosted by Henry Louis Gates Jr. But focus on Episode 2 called “The Golden Age of Gospel.” Episode 2 is breathtaking. You will feel the solution in your soul. You will hear the solution in your soul. 100% Guaranteed. After watching episode 2, discuss it with your family. I’d be glad to discuss it with you. Let’s organize a discussion to share opinions about Episode 2 and the solutions it teaches. Contact me at arcaro.gino@gmail.com.

The rest of the solution is a long story.

Continued in part 8.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

March 25, 2025

This story sounds like I’m making it up.

I’m not. It’s true. Don’t worry if it doesn’t makes sense at first. It’s actually good if it doesn’t make sense at first. Reason? Because on the surface, it doesn’t appear to make sense. And it shouldn’t make sense. The real problem is if the story does make sense.

In October 1978, I was working a midnight shift on patrol as a street cop in a high-crime area of the Niagara Region. I was a 21 year-old, 3-year cop at that time. At 6:30 am, I received a call from the dispatcher: “Domestic in progress. Two suspects. Possibly armed. Code 3. Unit to back.”  I was only 5 blocks from the house address. When I arrived, the front door was smashed open. I heard two voices screaming and swearing. Two men were in the kitchen. One guy was 58 years-old. The other guy was 35 years-old. There were 17 empty beer bottles on the kitchen table along with an empty whiskey bottle. Two ashtrays were loaded. Overflowing. The 58 year-old guy pointed to the 35 year-old guy and screamed, “I want that guy out of the house! He called me a Catholic! Get him out now!” Under the Trespass to Property Act, you don’t need a reason to kick a guest out of your house. As soon as you remove “visitor consent,” the visitor becomes a  “trespasser.” I told the 35 year-old guy he had to leave or he would get arrested. He refused to leave and called me a “pig” (with a obscenity in front of the word pig.” I told the 35 year-old guy, “Last chance. He wants you out of the house.” The 35 year-old guy said, “I want HIM out of the house.” I told the 35 year-old guy not to be difficult and leave. Then the 35 year-old guy said, “Why do I have to leave, I live here?” Then I asked the 58 year-old guy, “Do you live here?” The 58 year-old guy said, “No. My son does,” and pointed to the 35 year-old guy. I asked the 35 year-old guy, “Who owns the house?” He said, “I do.”

Police Lesson #1: Don’t assume. Ask who owns the house the moment you arrive.

At that point, father and son threatened to kill each other. Easy decision to arrest both. Father and son both resisted arrest and fought with the cops.

At the police station, I said to the son who was drunk and high, “Just so you know, I’m Catholic.” He said, “So am I.” I said, “You called your Dad, a ‘Catholic.’ What’s wrong with Catholics?” He said,”Come on…you know what they’re like.”

I talked to the Dad who was drunk and high. I said, “Just wondering… your son says he’s Catholic but he called you a Catholic. What are you?”

He said, “What do you mean? Religion?” I said, “Yes, religion. Just wondering so I make sense out of this.” Dad said, “Well, my parents said I’m Catholic. That’s all I’m gonna say.” I asked: “Just curious. I’m Catholic. Why does it insult you to be called Catholic?” Dad asked, “What? You don’t know?”

I’m writing these blogs to try to invite discussion about the decline in attending Mass. What does this story have to do with the decline of Catholic Mass Attendance? Everything. Catholic Mass Absenteeism isn’t new. It’s Old. Dual meaning. It started in the Old Days and it started with Old People. “Old Days” is defined as, “long ago when the problem started to grow.” Old People is not defined just by age. Old People is defined by fatigue, at any age. Exhaustion. Humans feel old when they can’t keep up any more. And when they can’t keep up any more, they give up more. They give up what they used to fight for. Reason? They run out of gas. And they’re too tired to admit it. Fatigue becomes the enemy of logic. Instead of making sense, they stop the fight to make sense. They settle for no sense. They find creative solutions such as bashing each other with words. Words that demand no effort, no exertion, no discomfort, no hardship. They settle for Easyship. Easyship, a word not in the English Dictionary, is one of the infinite examples of Post-Modernism. It describe a mentality that desires a marked departure from the past. Easyship is one reason why people bash each other with words that insult their religion and use it as an excuse to stop going to Church. If that statement doesn’t make sense, it shouldn’t. That’s why it’s used as an excuse.

The domestic investigation I described was part of my journey in becoming a Bashing Expert. I’m an expert in cop bashing, teacher bashing, Canadian Football-Coach bashing, Italian bashing, Southern-Italian bashing, Catholic bashing.

Cop bashing hasn’t evolved in Post-Modernism. It’s primitive. Cop bashers aren’t creative. They’re boring. They’re unimaginative. They’re old-school. They plagiarize. They copy, they cut & paste. Nothing original. During 15 years of policing, cop bashers never came up with anything original. Same old insults. “Pig.” “Pig,” accompanied by death threats, donut jokes. Nothing new. Cop bashing never evolved. Stuck in the past.

Same with teacher bashing. The day I became a college law-enforcement teacher, a cop I used to work with said, “Must be nice. Now you get summers off, March break off, Christmas and Easter off.”  Teacher bashers are primitive. No post-modernism. Nothing original. Same old teacher-bashing insults. Nothing Post-Modern.

Canadian Football-Coach bashing is boring. American football coaches call us soft. American football coaches call Canadian football coaches another bad word that I won’t use in this article because the article would have to be X-Rated. It’s an 8-letter word that starts with an “S” and ends in a “K.” Same old Canadian Football-Coach bashing. Nothing new. Nothing original. Nothing Post-Modern.

Italian-bashers are the worst copy-cats and plagiarists. “Dago,” “Wop.” “Greaseball.” “Spaghetti-bender.” All copycats. Plagiarism. Even when they put “Dumb” in front of each insult. Nothing new. Nothing original. Primitive. Nothing Post-Modern.

Southern-Italian bashing by Northern Italians? Same thing. Old. Nothing new. Nothing Post-Modern. Slanderous low stereotypical insults. Dual meaning: Low IQ and low character.

But Catholic bashing is a different story. It’s creative. It’s Post-Modern. It’s evil. Pure evil. Don’t Google, “Catholic Bashing,” it’s traumatic. You won’t recover easily from what you read. Resist the temptation to Google, “Catholic Bashing.” Resist the temptation on all of your social media newsfeeds. It will take you six weeks to recover. Minimum.

Do not Google, “Marco Rubio American Secretary of State.” Secretary Rubio is Catholic. On Ash Wednesday last week, he appeared on cable TV with a cross on his forehead after receiving ashes at Mass. He kept the ashes on during the entire international, TV interview while talking about global issues—for the entire world to see. If you Google, “Marco Rubio,” you won’t have to type “cross on his forehead” because it appears automatically. Warning: Do not read the vile comments. Vile and evil have the exact same four letters for a reason. They are scrambled for a reason—because they will scramble your mind and your thinking. Do not let your children or any adult loved ones Google, “Marco Rubio.” Save their minds from poisoning. Reason? Post-Modern Catholic Bashing has reached next-level. The good news is that Marco Rubio had the guts to do it. He had the guts to put his Catholicism on full display in front of the entire world. More good news: He’s part of the solution to this serious problem of low Mass attendance. But his message has been obscured because of Post-Modern Catholic bashing.

Word bashing is an expression of internal pain that is intended to cause external pain. Bashing with words is a solution used by immature, weak minds that are unwilling and incapable of finding a mature solution to a problem. What problem? Their Cognitive Dissonance. Cognitive Dissonance is the inner-conflict caused by contradiction… by crossing your heart, by ignoring your conscience, by knowing better but not doing better. Left unchecked, Cognitive Dissonance becomes a lifestyle of deception, a lifestyle of abandonment, a lifestyle of abdicating responsibilities. Left unresolved, Cognitive Dissonance burns relationships from the inside-out. Relationships with self, with other humans, with your conscience, with your soul, with The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. Values, beliefs, character, and morality are abandoned. Then relationships and then health in mind-body-soul. A Cycle of Despair results from the vortex of lies, alibis, and denials.

Word bashing is a subconscious and conscious attempt to separate from whoever and whatever causes pain that results from obligation. When obligation causes pain, the human mind searches for an escape, regardless of who gets hurt during the escape. Pain is transferable. Someone’s pain-relief becomes someone’s killer-pain. The cycle is embedded in the economy of Pain Exchange as pain becomes currency…  spent or saved at anyone’s expense in order to justify a lie, any alibi, or any denial.

The human mind bashes any person, any culture, any organization whose structure is based on accountability. We bash anyone and anything that threatens our desire to do whatever we want without consequences, without repercussion, without permission. Bashing is a defence to an offence… real or imagined. When we fear getting caught, we bash those who want to catch us. Then we hide behind freedom-of-speech, regardless of the expense. Free from guilt no matter what or who gets killed. Multiple meanings.

When we want to create distance, we attack relevance.

Separate, then berate.

And vice-versa.

Another slight, another fight.

And vice-versa.

Bad news: Bashing is one of the steps along the dangerous continuum that connects contempt with hate.

When I was a detective, I spent too many hours in interrogation rooms, sitting across from violent criminals—who were arrested for unspeakable crimes—for one purpose: Get a confession. Just like on Saturdays at St. Patrick’s at 4 pm.

There was one common / uncommon denominator that characterized every violent criminal: They were filled with hate. Hate that manifested in physical violence against the Hated One. Hate is a dangerous Change Agent. It dangerously alters worldview and workview. When you hate someone to the point that it consumes you, perspective is lost. Logic is lost. Sanity is lost. Value for decency is lost. Value for human life is lost.

What’s the solution? Can’t solve any mystery until you identify the problem with 100% laser accuracy.

And admit it.

Confess.

No lies, no alibis, no denials.

It’s impossible to change when you won’t admit it. It’s always tough to admit it because every confession acknowledges guilt. And neglect. And commission. And omission. Absolutely zero positive change will ever happen without admitting culpability.

We did it.

We’re guilty.

We all know exactly what happened.

All marked departure from past culture is the outcome of weakening. Multiple meanings. Same with broken relationships. Weakening won’t work. Dual meaning. And vice-versa. Weakening leads to abandonment. And vice-versa. When it’s deleted from our personal list of Basic Survival Needs, we abandon it.

My generation weakened family security.

We abandoned what needed to be taught and taught what didn’t need to be taught.

We abdicated our responsibility to teach the Core Values that our ancestors taught.

We relinquished our moral obligation to teach our families the same Core Values our parents taught. Ambushed and attacked the structure our ancestors built.

We handed over Core-Value teaching responsibility to those outside the family. Outsourced it. Delegated the teaching of it.

We rebelled against the families that raised us. Shredded our upbringing, tore it apart.

We didn’t even protect the economy for our own families. Made it almost impossible for our families to have the lifestyle that our ancestors fought and built for us.

Our own families likely will never buy or own a house, never afford to feed themselves and their families in the same way we did.

Catholic Faith and Catholic Mass attendance are just more casualties of the mess we created. We know the solution but we won’t admit it. Why? When you admit to a problem, you have to commit to the work to solve it. It’s easier to complain about the problem than try to solve it.

Good news: We can fill the seats at Mass. How? It’s a long story but here’s a start. It’s already happening. There’s a blueprint. These two links explain a wide-spread Christian revival by young people that’s in-progress, right now in 2025:

https://cbn.com/news/entertainment/ohio-state-notre-dame-players-share-hope-theyve-found-jesus-ahead-championship

https://www.dispatch.com/story/opinion/columns/2025/01/21/ohio-state-notre-dame-football-national-championships-faith/77849913007/

On the surface, both articles appear to explain only the outcomes, not solutions. But if you read deeper, you will see the evidence that solves the mystery of how to fill the seats at Mass. The rest of the solution is a long story.

Continued in part 7.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

March 15, 2025

In October 2005, one of my college law enforcement students asked me for a meeting. He was also a football player on my Canadian college football team that I coached, a non-profit team sponsored by my wife and me. The team was called the Niagara X-Men. We played exclusively in the USA for the singular purpose of helping Canadian student-athletes reach the next-level and the next and the next. At the beginning of the fall semester, this student told me his dream was to earn a football scholarship to an American University. I told him, “Your dream is now my dream.” At this October meeting, he said he had to go to his sister’s wedding in Aruba. He asked me if he could write all his fall mid-term exams before everyone else. I told him, “No, because we would both get fired for committing a scandal that would make headlines.” Additionally, he stated he would miss two football games and asked if he could keep his starting linebacker job when he returned. I said, “No, because we would both get fired for committing a scandal that would make headlines.” The following conversation ensued:

I asked him, “Does your sister like living in Aruba?”

He said, “She lives in Canada.”

I asked, “Why is the wedding in Aruba?”

He said, “It’s a “Destination Wedding. They were getting married on a beach and over 100 people were flying to Aruba for the wedding.”

I told him, “Nice try.”

I told the student I didn’t believe him. I said that I had been a cop for 15 years. I told him that policing made me an expert lie detector. I wasn’t easily fooled. I said that “Destination Wedding” was 1 of the top 26 craziest fabrications I’d ever heard of, including all the professional lies and alibis made up by violent criminals I had arrested and interrogated.

Two hours later, I said at a faculty meeting, “Kids these days. A student just lied through his teeth about missing exams and 2 Gamedays. He’s going on vacation to Aruba but covered it up with a made-up story about a Destination Wedding to get sympathy. Can you believe it? Destination Wedding! Can you imagine? Getting married on a beach a thousand miles away? Come on. There’s no end to student lies.”

Someone in the meeting said, “It’s true. Destination Weddings are becoming a big deal.”

The first thing I thought was, good thing people got married in a Church in The 60s. Destination Weddings in The 60s would have cost me a fortune in lost Wedding-Money altar-boy income. Destination Weddings would have caused a recession—receding altar boy income.

The second thing I thought was having to move away from Port Colborne or Ontario or Canada, if my wife and I had been married on a beach. What does that mean? There’s an Italian phrase called “Che Vergogna.” Translation. What an embarrassment. Not just any embarrassment. Next-Level Embarrassment. 5th-Degree Embarrassment. The type that would force you to have to move out of the community, far away, out of sight. Long distance move. Maybe to Aruba. Why? My poor illiterate Southern Italian parents Antonio and Maria were not Post-Modern parents. In Southern Italian Culture, you got married in a Church. A Catholic Church. No sand, no beach, no sun, no fun. With a Priest. A Catholic priest. The same priest you received communion from every Sunday, no…matter… what. The same priest you confessed all your sins to every single Saturday at 4 pm, no…matter…what. Then, you all said, “I do.” Then, you did. Then you did it the same way that everybody did it. You did it the same way because the same way worked. Dual meaning. It got the job done and you got the job done. Culture was a Magnetic Force back then. Culture attracted. Culture was a Gravitational Force that kept you grounded. You didn’t take flight away from a fight. Or for a Destination Wedding.

Antonio and Maria didn’t compromise their faith for no one, including me. They weren’t easily influenced by Post-Modern peer pressure to abandon their faith or their culture or their principles or their values. They were minimalists, immune to trends, spending sprees, and luxury. They taught me the 3 Basis Rules of Italianomics:

1. Do the most with the least.
2. Earn the most and spend the least.
3. Say the least while you work the most, earn the most, save the most.

Italianomics was based on the deep-rooted Southern Italian mentality called Arrangiarsi—the will and capacity to endure, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when. No matter how hard it got. No matter how little you had. No matter the risk. No matter how impossible it looked. The Southern Italian Culture had zero tolerance for Code-Breaking. There was only one C.F.L. in the Southern Italian Culture—Consequence-Full Life. You paid for your Culture Crimes. No leniency. No defence. No presumption of innocence. Just presumption of guilt, dual meaning. Guilt without a trial and trial resulting from guilt. Guilt was a driving force back then, dual meaning. Guilt drove you to High Achievement or drove you crazy. It depended on Cultural Worldview and Workview, and what effect it had on you.

The heresy and controversy of me getting married on a beach would have been the equivalent of Canada changing it’s flag colours to red, white and blue. I would have faced the same outrage we Canadians are feeling at the thought of becoming the 51st State. That outrage would have led to rebellion. To protest. To exclusion. I would have had to immigrate to another county or another country. I would have become a dual citizen: second-generation Southern Italian and first-generation immigrant to wherever I would have moved.

Imagine the outrage today if your favourite hockey team changed their uniform colour from blue to green. Imagine what Toronto Maple Leafs fans would do if the Leafs abandoned their culture and ditched their iconic blue uniforms for green or purple or yellow. Or if they played their home games on a beach. Or in Aruba. Or away games on a beach. Or in Aruba. There would be a rebellion. Online and offline. There would be protests. Online and offline. The economy would collapse. People would book off sick…indefinitely. No one would work, nothing would work. The health care system would collapse. Hockey fans would fight back with deep, profound passion trying to preserve Leafs Culture. That’s why Cultures endure—by fighting, not taking flight. By fighting for beliefs and for The Leafs, not taking flight from beliefs or from The Leafs. By fighting to follow their conscience, not fighting against their conscience.   

My poor illiterate Italian parents Antonio and Maria were not hockey fans or sports fans. They were Culture Fans. There were fanatic about Southern Italian Culture that was based on 3 F’s: Faith, Family, Fatica. In Italian, “Fatica” means gut-spilling work. Manual labour. Lifting heavy weight, carrying heavy weight. “Fatica” is the essential element of building structure, triple meaning. Structure of family, structure for family to live in, structure for family to work in. “Fatica” is also the essential element of building Structure of Faith. It works for you when you work at it. And vice-versa.

Faith, Family, Fatica start with the same two letters for  a reason. “Fa” in Broken Uneducated Illiterate Southern Italian means “do.” It means “do it forthwith, do it consistently, do it passionately, do it without complaining, do it without excuses, do it to endure, do it as an expression of love for God and for family, and Do It No Matter What.” The 3 Fs were unconditional, non-negotiable, and binding. Dual meaning. The 3 F’s bind the conscience, and the 3 Fs bind God with family and with Fatica. When it works and when humans work at it, the 3 Fs bind for life. Binding life-time contracts. No escape clause. No exceptions, no appeals, no grievances. Binding agreement. Binding alignment. Binding assignment.

Bad news. No bind, starts to unwind. Result? Big Mess, no success, just a lot of stress.

The 3 Fs were Basic Survival Needs for Southern Italians. Like oxygen. Every strong relationship, personal or professional, with humans or work or activities, needs oxygen to survive. Same with faith. No oxygen, suffer asphyxiation. Any relationship without oxygen asphyxiates. When you need it like oxygen, you will fight for it. It becomes a matter of life and death. When you don’t, the relationship suffocates. Every human builds a personal List of Basic Survival Needs composed of Fixed Needs and Flux Needs. Fixed Needs are universal prerequisites for all human survival: food, water, shelter, love. Flux Needs are the changing needs, good or bad, that each individual customizes through positive or negative growth, to form Personal Ethos, their distinguishing character, that defines identity through intensity of consistency. In the 60s, the 3 Fs were indelibly etched in the psyche of society’s collective Basic Survival Needs Lists. There was no “delete” function. The 3 Fs were saved on your Inner Hard Drive forever. Hardwired and Wired Hard. Bound together, dual meaning. The 3 Fs remained culturally-based until Post-Modern Society launched an attack against them, starting a War of Worlds—a war on your world and a war on the world of your Loved Ones.

Bad news, we are not our ancestors. We didn’t fight back. We took flight. Why? Comfort. Complacency. Weak. Spoiled. Soft. Reason? Weak struggle. Our struggle was weaker than the struggle of our ancestors. We struggled less than our ancestors because we were given more. When you’re given more, more is expected. Except when you get comfortable, complacent, spoiled, soft, fragile and weak. That’s what happens when you get it handed to you. You get it handed to you. We had it handed to us. We handed more to our kids. They handed more to their kids.

My generation had unprecedented comfort handed to us. Then we gave the next generation even more comfort. More comfort, less effort. And vice-versa. Applies on/in Any Field. Replacement Therapy took over. Indulgence and affluence replaced perseverance, endurance, and adherence. There’s a direct relationship between degree of struggle and degree of faith. It’s one of the Laws of Proportion. The more struggle you face, the more faith you practice. And vice-versa.

Our struggle and sacrifice never has and never will match the struggle and sacrifice our ancestors. Instead of honouring the sacrifices and struggles of our ancestors, we dishonour them. We made it easy, now it’s become hard.

Hard to believe, dual meaning. Hard to believe in what our ancestors believed in, and hard to believe the mess we’ve created. It’s hard to believe that we let other people tell us and our families what to believe and not believe. It’s hard to believe that we let our culture die. It’s hard to believe that we find it so hard to believe. If our ancestors were alive, they would find all this hard to believe.

Lost the struggle, lost faith. And vice-versa. They removed First Generation struggle for us. We removed Second Generation struggle for our families. They removed Third Generation struggle for their families. Now we all struggle when there’s real struggle. Now we all struggle when there’s life and death struggle of our culture. Now we all struggle to show up. Why? Because of the Law of Unintended Consequences: by removing struggle, we added struggle. We added struggle to show up when it’s time to step up. And vice-versa. We added struggle to step up when it’s time to show up. No wonder Post-Modern Society doesn’t show up. It’s the consequence of evolution. The strong keep showing up, the weak don’t. We became a victim of Darwinism… the strong survive, the weak get eaten alive.

Our ancestor’s culture got eaten alive. We surrendered without a fight. We replaced our ancestor’s values with the values of government who told us what to think, when to think it, and where. We voted for it, we celebrated it, we promoted it, we spectated it, we became fans. We sat in the stands at a standstill. Stuck in neutral. Lost our backbone, lost our nerve, lost our strength, lost our faith. We got tired easily. Got out-of-shape in mind, body, and soul. Screen Size shrunk Life Size. Our lives shrunk to the size of our screens. Miniature Lives. Artificial Lives. Superficial Lives. Stressful Lives.

We became Blind Conformists in exchange for anything free and legal. Vote for me, I’ll give it to you legal and free. Didn’t have to pay for it, then we paid for it. Now we ask, “Where did they go? Where did it all go?”

Answer. We watched from the sideline. We abandoned the frontline. In less than one generation we wasted our Cultural Inheritance. If we had  protected our Cultural Inheritance with the same energy as we protect our financial inheritance, we would show up. They would show up We would enjoy Attendance Abundance. Places would be packed like they were in The 60s. Instead, my generation got soft and weak, easy to defeat. We made the next generation softer and weaker, easier to defeat. We should have ignored Post-Modern influence that warped and twisted our mind’s and our Loved One’s Minds. On Small Screens, on Big Screens. We voted against our conscience. We voted against our faith. We selected and elected superficially and artificially. In less than one generation, we destroyed the structure that an entire culture had built over centuries. Why? Laziness.

We were warned. But we didn’t listen, dual meaning. Didn’t listen to our conscience. Didn’t listen to our culture. Reason? Ignorance and arrogance. We think we we’re smarter than our parents. Our kids think they’re smarter than us. Their kids think they’re smarter than our kids. Ignorance and arrogance is contagious. Left unchecked, ignorance and arrogance spread easily, dual meaning. Ignorance and arrogance goes viral and then spreads the dangerous. It spreads the dangerous lie that life will always be easy. That life will be easier because of more technology. That life will be easier with Artificial Intelligence. That life must be easier because of the lie that we are entitled to an Easy Life. We have become Enablers of Entitlement. Then we complain about it. Don’t complain about that which you tolerate. And vice-versa… don’t tolerate what you complain about.

We were warned long ago. St. Thomas Aquinas warned us that laziness was a symptom of Acedia way back in the13th Century. There was no artificial intelligence back then. There was “real intelligence.” Spiritual intelligence. Generations listened. They listened and warned us. So did our parents. Even the ones who were illiterate and uneducated. Reason? They had to work for it. They had to work for their spiritual intelligence. They had to work for all their relationships. Our ancestors didn’t discard relationships when the work got too hard. Including Spiritual Relationships. Post-Modern Society has normalized Disposable Relationships and Decomposable Relationships. Can’t relate, don’t tolerate, just terminate.

We’ve normalized superficial and artificial relationships, intelligence, excellence, strength, and character. When relationships became disposal, character followed. Character became disposal, superficial, and artificial. And weak character easily followed Post-Modern Leaders who taught us to abandon faith, to vote against it, to vote it out, to cut it out. My generation allowed our kids to be taught to ignore the voice of their conscience in exchange for campaign promises to make life more comfortable, more pleasurable, regardless of the cost. Now the cost has skyrocketed just like the cost of houses, food, clothes, cars, gas. And Destination Weddings.

I got paid a lot of money to show up for funerals in The 60s. In My 60s, we all are paying for the Death of Character. And the cost keeps skyrocketing just like the cost of living in a Canadian economy that is unaffordable. It’s hard to believe how much it costs to live, to eat, to survive, to thrive. No wonder it’s hard to believe that it’s hard to believe.

Good news. There’s a solution.

Bad news. We already know it.

We already learned it.

But we keep failing the test.

Continued in Part 6.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

March 4, 2025