A lot happened in My 50s & 60s that should have happened in The 60s.

I learned more about my Catholic religion in My 50s & 60s than I ever learned in The 60s. Or The 70s, The 80s, or The 90s.

About 15 years ago, I was watching CNN. I heard a talk show host mention Saul of Tarsus, the Road to Damascus, about how Saul impacted Christianity. I was in my 50’s, a life-long Church-going Catholic. I had never heard of “Saul of Tarsus.” I had heard something about the Road to Damascus but I never learned enough. I didn’t know enough about the Damascus story. I had no idea about the relationship between Saul of Tarsus and the impact he had on Christianity. I started an extensive self-directed learning research assignment. I investigated the story of Saul of Tarsus, the story of Damascus, and the story of his impact on Christianity.

On July 27th, 2009, I received my weekly Sports Illustrated magazine, in the actual mailbox at my house, not on my computer. A football player was on the cover. Twenty-one year-old Tim Tebow, quarterback of the University of Florida Gators. Tebow was the Heisman Trophy winner that year. The Heisman Trophy is awarded to the best university football player in the USA. Tebow was wearing his football uniform in the magazine cover photo. He was wearing “Eye Black,” those black strips under each eye that athletes wear to reduce sun glare. PHIL was printed on one black strip. 4:13 was printed on the other black strip. That issue of Sports Illustrated was one of the highest-selling in the magazine’s history, with sales exceeding 10 million copies. I had no idea what PHIL 4:13 was. I was 52 years old. Zero clue what it meant. I started an extensive self-directed learning research assignment. I investigated PHIL 4:13.

On Sunday, May 24, 2015, I watched Episode 8 of an epic TV mini-series called “A.D. – The Bible Continues.” The synopsis included the following statement: “The show follows the book of Acts. Shows the complete message of Christ and the transformation of Saul to Paul and how the high priest of Judea does not believe in what has taken place after the Crucifixion of Christ.”

Additionally, the storyline that promoted the series stated the following:

“A.D. picks up where the smash hit, “The Bible,” left off, continuing the greatest story ever told and exploring the exciting and inspiring events that followed the Crucifixion of Christ. As most of the world knows, the Crucifixion was only the beginning of the story. The immediate aftermath of Christ’s death had a massive impact on his disciples, his mother Mary, and key political and religious leaders of the era, completely altering the entire world in an instant. Watch as the disciples struggle to survive and share their beliefs, guiding us from the sorrow of Christ’s ultimate sacrifice to the awe-inspiring wonder of the Resurrection and beyond. From Executive Producers Roma Downey and Mark Burnett comes an uplifting spiritual journey through the later chapters of biblical history.”

Episode 8 was called ‘The Road to Damascus.” The synopsis stated:

“Saul continues to hunt Peter, but has a life changing vision on the road to Damascus.”

I was 58 years old at that time, still confused about who Saul was, still uneducated about the full Damascus story, more confused about why Saul hunted Peter, when he hunted him, and where.

I started an extensive self-directed learning research assignment. I investigated the mystery Saul’s hunting of Peter and why I was ignorant of that story.

Finally, in my 60’s, I learned through self-directed learning that Saul of Tarsus was St. Paul. I learned through self-directed learning that St. Paul wrote letters to the Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Colossians, Thessalonians, Philippians, as well as letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon. Before that, I had no idea who wrote those letters. Until then, I thought  these letters were written by the Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Colossians, Philippians, Thessalonians, and letters to Timothy, Titus, and Philemon. It’s embarrassing and frustrating that I didn’t learn about this until my 60’s.

I had no idea who St. Paul actually was or how he became St Paul or the full magnitude of his life and spiritual mission. I had no idea how much of the New Testament was Paul’s writings. I had no clue that his day job was “manual labourer.” I had no idea that St Paul was a bad guy when he was Saul of Tarsus. Not just any bad guy, a Top 10 Most Wanted Criminal. Maybe #1 Most Wanted Criminal of his era. I had no idea that St. Paul, a.k.a. Saul of Tarsus, was a Christian Terrorist. I had no idea that Most High God chose a horrible criminal to do His Will and do the impossible—spread Christianity worldwide, during the toughest time in the history of civilization to spread Christianity, and to do it without the Internet, without Social Media, without Artificial Intelligence, without Apps, without cell phones, without texting. Without airplanes, buses, trains, cars, and all Post-Modern convenience and comfort of travel and communication. By Post-Modern standards, St. Paul’s assignment would have been considered too stressful, too unreasonable, too hard to do. Today, that assignment would be reported to HR or the Labour Board or the union or the government.

I had no idea that St. Paul wrote 32,408 words in the Bible. I had no idea that his words were written in the New Testament. I had no idea that St. Paul wrote 23.48% of the New Testament. I had no idea that, next to to the words and story of Jesus Christ, St Paul’s words and story are the most inspiring story I’ve ever head of or read about. I realized that if Most High God chose and assigned a bad guy, a dangerous criminal, a Christian Terrorist, the mission of doing the impossible and spreading Christianity from scratch, there was hope for me. There’s hope for all of us. The story of St Paul inspires us to believe, to have faith, that Most High God doesn’t chose perfect people to do the Big Jobs. Most High God doesn’t assign The Flawless to the Tough Missions.

I learned through self-directed learning that PHIL 4:13 represented Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me.” I learned through self-directed learning that a 21 year-old football player knew more about The Bible, more about St. Paul, more about Christianity, than I did in my 60s. I learned that Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me,” works. I’ve lost count of how many times a day I’ve prayed and continue to pray, “I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me,” in my 60s. I’m pissed off that I never prayed it every single day of my life before my 60s. I’m pissed off that I didn’t have the Spiritual IQ, Spiritual Maturity, and Spiritual Courage at age 21 that Tim Tebow had at that age.

While watching A.D.: The Bible Continues, I learned that the Peter, who Saul hunted, was the actual Apostle Peter. I learned for the first time about The Incident at Antioch, involving St. Paul and St. Petter. I saw the scene and wondered if it was true. Why? Because I had never heard of it. That’s how assbackward my Biblical knowledge was. Then I learned that St. Paul was an Apostle, but not one of the Twelve Apostles. I learned the full meaning and full definition of Apostle. I learned that St Paul declared in 1 Corinthians 15:10: “No, I worked harder than all of them.” And said it again in 2 Corinthians 11:23. I learned that St Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 1:7: ”For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” I waited until I was in my 60s to pray St. Paul’s words every day.

I learned that I never learned. This means I learned that I never learned the inspiring story of St. Paul until I was in my 50s & 60s, while watching CNN, reading Sports Illustrated, and watching a TV mini-series. I didn’t learn it in Catholic school. I didn’t learn it in a Catholic Church. What does this have to do with low attendance in Catholic Churches? Everything. Multiple meanings. It tells you Everything you need to know. It tells you that you need to know Everything but don’t. It tells you that you should know Everything but don’t. It tells you that to learn Everything, you need to show up. And it tells you that Everything needs to be taught, starting with getting people to show up. Teaching and learning Everything is a Magnetic Force. It attracts for good, dual meaning. Everything is the cause & effect of low attendance. And, Everything is the problem and the solution is Everything. Read it again. Especially the part about how Everything is defined and the part about how Everything is simultaneously the problem and solution of low attendance. Reason? The Uneducated won’t show up. And vice-versa. They won’t show up to be Uneducated. Being Uneducated is demoralizing and depressing. Being Uneducated is uninspiring. Being Uneducated is defeating. Being Uneducated is diminishing. Being Uneducated leaves you In The Dark, dual meaning: not knowing and in a place of darkness. Educating sheds light, multiple meanings.

About 5 years ago, I attended Mass outside of Port Colborne. During the sermon, the priest mentioned that we were all going to die. Then he listed painfully and precisely as many causes of death he could think of. I had flashbacks to my police career. I had flashbacks to Working With The Dead, the title of one of my 107 books I’ve writtten. I had flashbacks to morgues, autopsies, Coroners, Pathologists, and writing reports explaining depressing, gruesome causes of death. Here’s my point: I lost focus on the Mass. I lost focus on trying to get closer to God. I lost my spiritual connection that I was seeking during that Mass. Death has been a common topic I’ve heard during sermons for 67 years. I’ve learned enough about death. I’d like to learn more about how to live fully alive. I expect so would the absentees who don’t show up for Church. Death is not a Magnetic Force. How to live fully alive is a Magnetic Force. I guarantee that attendance would soar with a change in sermon topics, with a focus on how to live life fully to get closer to God, instead of constant reminders of death. How? Start by educating with energy and enthusiasm and by inspiring with stories like St. Paul’s. Why? It works. It boosts attendance. It increases both recruiting and retention. I’ll explain exactly how to do it and why in part 11.

Much Love

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

May 5, 2025

Warning: The opening case study is a morbid story.

It’s depressing and disturbing. It might give you nightmares. Unless you’re used to watching a lot of cable TV crime stories and news and scrolling your newsfeed—then this case study will be normal for you. While you read it, you will probably wonder what this true story has to do with the crisis of people not showing up for Mass. It has everything to do with the “Fail To Appear For Mass” crisis. This case explains the cause and explains the solution… if you’re willing to think outside the box. If not, you won’t see the connection.

In 1982, I was 25 year-old, 7-year street-cop veteran. I was working an afternoon shift, assigned to patrol a poor, run-down, High-Crime district.  Dual meaning. I was dispatched to an apartment building regarding an “Unknown Problem” call. The superintendent met me in the lobby and escorted me to a 4th floor apartment. Reason? The tenant was overdue in rent. He had not been seen for over a week, and other tenants were complaining about a foul odour coming from the apartment. We entered. A dead body was found inside. The unrecognizable victim was eventually identified as a 54 year-old man who lived alone. A long “Sudden Death” investigation started.

The first issue was identifying the victim—figuring out who he was. Dual meaning. It’s bad enough when no one knows your name when you die. It’s worse when no one knows anything about you when you were alive, including you. A lot of people spend their entire lives in the dark, not knowing exactly who they are. They rely on everybody else’s opinions instead of their own hardcore evidence. It’s easy to forget that opinions are mere suspicion, based on hearsay, speculation, conjecture, and flat-out lies. Who should know all the hardcore evidence about yourself that proves who you really are? You. But, Post-Modern Society has evolved into an opinion-oriented culture—we have keyboards and screens and newsfeeds and friends and followers and likes and shares—making us believe in make-believe. It’s easy to make people believe baseless opinions about themselves and about everyone else, because make-believe requires no work, no effort, no investigative commitment, no work to dig up evidence. All that’s needed is biased subjectivity and equally-biased worldview and workview. That’s why many people identify themselves by what others think and by the unqualified opinions that others make of them, both good and bad, instead of what they know can be proved by existing hardcore evidence.

The second issue was time of death. Dual meaning. First meaning: official time that life ended, as defined by a Coroner. Second meaning: the time that the victim stopped living even though he was still officially alive. It takes more work to figure out the time the victim stopped feeling fully alive, while officially alive. In cases like this, where no one witnessed the official time that life ended, you need to find who last saw the victim alive. Another dual meaning. Last time the victim was seen officially alive and breathing. and the last time he was living fully alive, fully vibrant, fully passionate, fully engaged, expressing his soul while lifting the souls of others. It’s never clear which one is harder to prove. But one thing is certain—they both involved the issue of “just existing.”

There are those who are “just existing” and there are those who are “soul lifting.” All of it boils down to investigating Existential Crisis, the questioning of purpose, meaning, or lack thereof. The duality of Existential Crisis is deeply and profoundly connected to cause-of-death, including who caused it, why, when, and how. The investigation of every Existential Crisis always uncovers a trail of red flags. The seamless path of cautionary evidence that was intentionally ignored or conveniently overlooked to avoid the dreaded unpleasant condition of inner conflict—Cognitive Dissonance—that we all prefer to avoid. Ironically Cognitive Dissonance explodes worse than ever when the realization hits that the human mind can become the enemy by conjuring limitless justification to avoid facing and fighting Existential Threat. Why? Changing is too challenging. Too much work involved in changing. Too much effort. Too much discomfort. Too much real or imagined pain. Instead of suffering the pain needed to change, stay the same. Existential Threats don’t go away on their own. They have to be confronted in order to fight them to accomplish the change needed to eliminate the Existential Threat. But the problem is the same old story: the human mind is work-averse, especially averse to the work needed to change, even when it’s a matter of life-and-death.

Forensic testing determined an estimated time-of-death being about a month before the body was discovered. But for the first time in my police career, I found zero witnesses who could remember seeing the victim alive (both meanings). I called Distant Relatives. Dual meaning: the victim’s family who distanced themselves long before by moving away and staying away; and, some far-removed relatives who were distant relatives by the conventional definition. None of them had anything good to say about the victim. Nothing good to say, no wonder they stayed away. And vice-versa. None of them could remember the last time they had seen saw alive (both meanings). All of them declined to travel back home to make burial arrangements or attend the funeral. Not one of them were cooperative on the phone. No one in the apartment building remembered the last time they had seen the victim alive (both meanings). None of them knew anything about the victim. None of them wanted to have anything to do with the victim while he was alive or now that he was dead.

What was the cause of death? Self-sabotage. Investigation discovered evidence of self-inflicted harm caused over several years of self-neglect and an unwillingness to change despite myriad warning signs. What’s this got to do with the crisis of not showing to Mass? Everything. The conclusions reached and lessons learned regarding this Sudden Death of a human being applies to the Sudden Death of any team, organization, any culture. Here are the top 6 lessons learned:

1. Take every Existential Threat seriously before the threat kills.
2. There’s a cause of Living-Life Death that precedes a cause of real death. They’re connected.
3. Not living fully alive, while being officially alive, is the most compelling Red Flag. It’s a symptom of Just Existing.
4. Left unchecked, Just Existing leads to extinction.
5. Unnatural cause of Living-Life Death leads to unnatural cause of real death. It forms a seamless path of destruction.
6. The biggest problem is that “they” wait for actual extinction to call The Coroner. By that time it’s too late. They should call the Coroner at the first sign of not living fully alive so to keep people, organizations, teams, and cultures alive. If they called the Coroner when they stopped looking alive, sounding alive, feeling alive, and making others feel alive, they could postpone having to call the Coroner to declare them officially not being alive.

No one, including the victim, paid attention to the Existential Threat. The Existential Threat was a long, gory story. The details would traumatize you so I’m leaving them out. Like with every Existential Threat, the worst part of the Existential Threat in this case, was Plain View Evidence. But it was ignored because ignoring the Existential Threat was easier and required less work and effort than fighting the Existential Threat. Ignoring the Existential Threat was less painful. Ironically, more pain was suffered leading to a call to The Coroner to pronounce official death.

The Existential Threat in this case worked from the inside-out. The Existential Threat could have been eliminated by effecting change. There was an abundance of evidence that necessitated change and gave a Plain View Solution. But the worst happened… the victim was left behind. In The 60s, 70s and 80s, they called it Getting Dumped. This victim Got Dumped. He got dumped, people stopped showing up, everyone knew the reason, but no one did a single thing to change the situation. Everything stayed exactly the same. All they did was complain. The first sign of Existential Threat getting ignored, is constant complaining about the problem that drains all the energy that should be directed to doing the work to change.

Getting Dumped is the outcome of a gradual process that gains momentum when it faces no resistance. Getting Dumped is the outcome of a steady decline of attention that leads to tension. It builds up into the attention-tension conflict. Attention deficit, tension surplus. There’s a sequence that leads to Getting Dumped. First, things get boring. Then they start ignoring. And vice-versa. Ignoring is dangerous. You can’t see the Existential Threat but your intuition does its job. It warns you of the threat. But when you’re ignoring and being ignored, the Existential Threat is next… it is ignored for a wide range of complex psychological reasons, but it all boils down to one simple fact: stagnation. Resistant to change. Refusal to grow. Keep the Status Quo.

There’s a reason they call it Growing Apart. One side grows, the other doesn’t. You grow apart. When you don’t grow and they do, you grow apart. Result? No attention, growing tension. The only thing that grows is resentment when they don’t show. Vicious cycle. Dual meaning: a cycle of resentment and a fight between not showing and not growing. One of the top 26 worst types of harassment is badgering them for not showing up. Then they defend and offend by badgering you for not growing. The “No Show versus No Grow” conflict is the root cause of all domestic fights. Animosity grows to hostility and leads to invisibility. All because of the Status Quo. They outgrew you and outgrew it. The same happens with old clothes and old thinking. Darwinian Selection of Relationships. Strong relationships survive, but weak relationships die. Why? Didn’t try. Didn’t try to grow. Didn’t fit any more but tried to make it fit when it’s been outgrown. Unfit relationship.

Here’s one solution to the crisis of low attendance at Mass: be a Magnetic Force. What is “A Magnetic Force?” Instead of defining it with a long complicated academic definition, here’s an a example: sold-out crowds. Check attendance at an NHL, NFL, NBA games. Check attendance at concerts. Jam-packed sold-out crowds despite grossly inflated prices, despite a grossly inflated Canadian economy that has made it unaffordable for the next generation to afford a house, a car, food, gas, and everything else my generation has been able to afford. What’s the difference between sold-out crowds and no crowds? Magnetic Force. A force that doesn’t just attract people. A force that pulls and drags people over and over and over again, even when they can’t afford it. A force that compels people to pay obscene prices to make strangers rich while leaving themselves and their families poor. A force that pulls people to pay obscene prices for “Favourite Team Jerseys,” and yank them over their heads—free advertising. Instead of getting paid a fortune to advertise for them, they pay a fortune to advertise them. Wearing their favourite team’s jerseys, t-shirts, hats, at any cost just to identify with and idolize a group of strangers. Counter-intuitive business strategy. That’s the super-power of a Magnetic Force. You pay to be a fan, pretending to be part of a team, while the team lives their dream.

And, when there’s an Existential Threat to your favourite team not making the playoffs, you fans galvanize. Show up not just at games, show up at rallies, airports, parking lots, parade routes and fly flags advertising their favourite team’s logo, on their front lawns, cars and at their workplaces. All for one purpose: fight the Existential Threat. When Canada faced an Existential Threat to become the 51st State, politicians formed Team Canada. Canadians bought Team Canada hats and shirts. Canadians flew Canadian flags on their front lawns, on their cars, at their workplaces. Canadians advertised their favourite political party, for free, to fight the Existential Threat.

What happened when the Catholic Church faced an Existential Threat? No Team Catholic was formed by politicians or parishioners. No fan club. No pep rallies. No one wore Team Catholic uniforms. No one flew a Team Catholic flag on their front lawn. No one campaigned door-to-door. More bad news. And worst of all, teir Farm Team didn’t show up. The Catholic Church has its own Farm Team, a feeder system. It’s called Catholic Schools. If everyone who worked and learned at Catholic Schools showed up, Churches would have sold-out crowds every week. Jam-packed. Just like the 60s.

The victim in the opening case study ignored Existential Threat to life. So did everyone else. He was left alone. Two things happened. He stopped living. Then he stopped living. The second time, they had to call the Coroner. Nothing was a secret. There was no mystery. Everyone knew all the reasons why everyone abandoned the victim. But, it was easy to pretend that the reason was a mystery. Back then they called it Living A Lie. Why? Because it’s not living. Living A Lie is just existing, waiting to die.

Good news. There are solutions.

Bad news. It’s easy to pretend that the solutions are a mystery.

Good news. The opening case study taught a valuable lesson: find out when was the last time the victim was seen fully alive, the victim felt alive, and the victim made others feel fully alive, before the Coroner has to get called. Don’t let it get to the “No Signs of Life” stage. Don’t let it get to the “White Chalk Outline” stage or the “Yellow Tape—Crime Scene—Do Not Cross” stage.

How? Continued in Part 10.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

April 23, 2025

This is a true story. It sounds like I’m making it up. I’m not.

While working on my Master’s degree over 20 years ago, I went to my psychology class. The first hour was dedicated to discussing an assigned reading from a book called “The Myth of Mental Illness: Foundations of a Theory of Personal Conduct,” by Thomas Szasz. The first paragraph on Chapter 6 discussed the relationship between Catholic guilt and Italian guilt, and mental health. The seminar started with the Professor lecturing that cultural guilt is prevalent among Catholics and Italians. Less than one minute into his lecture, I raised my hand.

I asked him, “Are you Catholic?”

He said, “No.”

I asked him, “Are you Italian?”

He said, “No.”

I asked him, “Is the author Catholic?”

He said, “No.”

I asked him, “Is the author Italian?”

He said, “No.”

I asked him, “What makes the author qualified to talk about Catholic guilt or Italian guilt?”

He said, “He studied it.”

I asked him, “What makes you qualified to talk about Catholic guilt or Italian guilt?”

He said, “I’ve studied it.”

I said, “I lived it. So I’m more qualified than both of you. I should teach this class. And I should have written this chapter.”

He laughed. The class laughed.

I said, “I’m not joking. No one who hasn’t lived it, is qualified to teach it or write about it.”

Another student said, “I disagree. I think anyone can study it and teach it or write about it.”

I asked that student, “Where do you work?”

She said, “A bank.”

I said, “What if I study banking but never work in banking or live in banking. Would you take a class with me teaching it?”

She laughed and said, “Probably not.”

I said, “Then what makes anyone think they can teach about Catholic guilt and Italian guilt without living it?”

The professor changed the subject and assigned an essay about Chapter 6 to, “prevent further controversy.” I handed in my essay that explained the following:

1. Guilt is what you feel when your suffer Cognitive Dissonance.
2. Guilt is an outcome of knowing better but having not done better.
3. Guilt is your conscience working when you don’t work.
4. Guilt is how your conscience prevents you from normalizing the abnormal.
5. Guilt is your conscience’s First Response when you fail to act in accordance with your Family Values and beliefs.
6. Guilt is psychological pain suffered as a consequence of causing pain.
7. Guilt is a consequence of absence, negligence, and incompetence.
8. Guilt is a strategy used by the conscience to naturally induce the truth.
9. The truth is a natural pain-reliever—it relieves the pain of doing the unnatural.
10. The truth prevents lowering the bar. Every time we’re rewarded for lying, alibying, and denying, we lower our standards. We lower our values and beliefs, making it easier to contradict them again and again and again with less pain and less pain and less pain.
11. Degree of guilt is determined by your Bad List—the list of what you believe is bad to do and bad not to do.
12. Your personal Bad List is influenced, shaped and determined by culture. It’s a product of nature and nurture.
13. Strength of Culture, like strength of mind-body-soul muscle, doesn’t grow in the dark or without practice or without working on it.
14. Your Bad List is in a constant State of Flux. It changes in direct proportion with how Strength of Culture changes.
15. Strength of Culture is not guaranteed from one generation to another. Like strength of muscle, it gets stronger or weaker depending on use.
16. Strength of Culture is either strengthened or weakened by a ruthless, Darwinian-Selection Process determined exclusively by practice.
17. Culture multiples or culture dies. So does guilt. They’re connected.
18. Culture dilutes from one generation to the next when the culture is allowed to be watered down.
19. What you practice, strengthens. What you don’t practice, weakens.
20. If you haven’t lived it, you can’t teach others how to live it. The best you can do is when you haven’t lived, it is resort to opinions.
21. Guilt forces humans to show up.
22. The threat of guilt forces humans to show up.
23. The need to avoid guilt forces humans to show up.
24. Guilt legally forces humans to confess to crimes and sins.
25. It’s impossible to feel guilt if you don’t feel bad.
26. It’s impossible to feel bad if it’s not on your Bad List.

To prove my point about how humans add to and subtract from their Bad List, I included a true, real-life case study, below. I called the case study “Code-name Pat.”

I can’t count how many hours I spent inside interrogation rooms trying to get confessions from dangerous criminals, violent psychopaths, and opportunistic sociopaths. My training started in The 60s going to weekly confession every Saturday at 4 pm at St. Patrick Church, Port Colborne, Ontario, Canada. I learned that Priests had it easier than cops. Priests had a lot of help getting confessions, especially from parents who forced you to tell the truth, whether you liked it or not. Cops legally can’t force confessions from criminals. And cops can’t enlist parents to force their kids to confess crimes to the cops. But confessing sins to a Priest or confessing crimes to cops happens the same way—by making the conscience work. Triple meaning: make it work out; make it work right; and make it do all the work.

Back then, there was consensus about the Bad List… about what was bad, what you should feel bad about, what made others feel bad. Alignment & Assignment. Society was aligned and focused on their assignment. There was only one cultural Bad List. That list had been formed centuries ago. It wasn’t optional or discretionary. The Bad List was the same at home, at school, at work, at Church. It didn’t matter if you sat at a desk or built the desk or moved the desk. It didn’t matter if you dug ditches or filled in ditches or paid some to do it for you. Back then, there was “Bad List consistency.” There was no “Bad List confusion.” There was unanimous decision about what was on The Bad List. And about what you had to feel bad about. And no one felt bad that you felt bad. Feeling bad was good. It made people feel good that you felt bad because it was evidence of a strong conscience. When the conscience worked, you worked. And vice-versa.

Confessing my own sins taught me that you don’t need Outside Help to force a confession. The conscience legally forces a confession, if the conscience is strong, healthy, and working. The conscience that works, works for you. And you work because of it. Everyone has a conscience. No exceptions. If you’re alive, you have a conscience. The myth of “no conscience” actually means “weak” or “dysfunctional” conscience. The conscience, like muscle, is either strong or weak. It depends on how may Reps you invest. Building a strong conscience depends on winning the fight with Reps. What kind of Reps? Reps working with your conscience versus reps working with temptation. Also, your Conscience Reps that work on you versus your Temptation Reps that work on you. You can’t hide from inner demons. They release unconditionally.

Good news. The power of a strong conscience has limitless lifting capacity. The key is appealing to the conscience to make the conscience functional and work. Make it work out, make it work right, and make it do all the work.

Bad news. The Bad List consensus changed. It became personal. Instead of a uniform, universal Bad List, the list became customized to fit individual convenience, individual comfort, individual wants instead of individual and cultural needs. When did it happen? There’s no direct, hardcore evidence of an exact date and time. But there’s circumstantial evidence that it started in 1975. That’s when the movement started… the movement when people Moved Away. It’s when Culture Erasure gained momentum. The Bad List became individualized and customized—for selfish reasons—to fit whatever prevented an individual’s personal guilt.

“Codename Pat” was the best at it. He was a leading expert in the science of customizing a Bad List— what he defined as bad and what he felt bad about—to fit the situation, to fit his mood, and most of all, to kill the guilt before it happened. Codename Pat was #1 on my list of top 26 best informants of all time. If he was standing in line behind you at the grocery store, you would never guess he was 1 of the top 3 most dangerous, violent criminals I had ever arrested and interrogated, repeatedly. If he was pumping gas next to you, you would never suspect that he was checking out how much money you had in your wallet—so he could rob you. If you dug ditches with him at work, you would never suspect he would likely threaten you with his shovel or attack you with it. If he was stopped next to you at a red light, you would never suspect he would follow you home to plan a break & enter at your house and steal your car. If you saw him when he was an Altar Boy in The 60s, you would never guess that he would end up using hard drugs, selling hard drugs, robbing people to buy more hard drugs, and rat out violent hard drug dealers to the cops. If he gave you the peace sign at Mass, you would never think that he stole guns, sold guns, then ratted out stolen-gun dealers because, “you know, you gotta pay off the mortgage, right?” And you would never think that he would stop going to Mass. And you would never, ever think he would move away from his Culture and Family Values.

Codename Pat chose “Pat” as his informant codename because no one ever called him Pat. He bragged about being a fast learner. “I mean, I can figure it out quick, you know?” He figured out how to become the best Gaslighter before the word “Gaslighting” became popular. Codename Pat wrote the “Gaslighting Playbook.” But he stuck to the basics. He always started on Page 1—“You got it all wrong” despite mounds of hardcore evidence of his guilt. And he stuck to Page 1, trying to break your confidence, by making you doubt the volume of compelling evidence.

“You’ve got it all wrong.” Simple, easy to remember. Add the right (or wrong) body language and tone of voice, and, “You’ve got it all wrong” fuelled the Gaselight fight that escalated your belief—about the truth that you were certain of. Codename Pat’s professional Gaslighting made politicians look like amateur Gaslighters. If Codename Pat ran for office, you’d be tempted to vote for him. His expert, professional Gaslighting campaign was tempting. His Gaslighting sounded exactly like the voice of temptation that you and your Family were used to hearing 365-24-7. That’s why he sounded familiar. Codename Pat became a victim of temptation while expertly spreading temptation.

What made Codename Pat the best professional Gaslighter? First, his Gaslighting worked on him. He had to believe his own lies with all his heart in order to Gaslight others. If you don’t believe your own lies, people will see you’re a Fake Liar. An amateur. Nobody believes your lies when you don’t believe them yourself. Different story when you believe your own lies, alibis, and denials. People accept what you perfect and project. Codename Pat practiced hard. His Bad List worked. Codename Pat didn’t feel bad doing what the rest of the world felt bad doing. He shrunk his Bad List to the size of your cell phone screen. He erased his own raising. How? He lost the Second Generation Fight… the 2-front Cultural War that you’re stuck in the middle of if you are Second Generation. There’s a body of academic research that studies the extreme Cognitive Dissonance experienced by the Second Generation who are pulled in two directions while being stuck right smack in the middle of a Cultural Tug-of-War fighting for the mind and soul, 365-24-7.

Good news. Codename Pat confessed to his crimes but only when an appeal to his conscience flipped The Switch and made him feel bad. Getting a confession doesn’t just happen. You need to figure out the suspect’s Bad List. How do you figure out someone’s Bad List? Ask.

“Do all your crimes make you feel bad?”

“You got it all wrong.”

“Does robbing people make you feel bad?”

“You got it all wrong.”

“Does selling drugs make you feel bad?

“You got it all wrong.”

“Does using drugs make you feel bad?

“You got it all wrong.”

“Does it bother you that you’re facing jail?”

“You got it all wrong.”

“Does having a criminal record bother you?”

“You got it all wrong.”

But three questions bothered him and made him feel bad enough to confess:

“Does it bother you to beat up old people in their houses, for money?”

“Does it bother you that you’re putting your mother through this?”

“Does it bother you that you’re putting your father through this?”

After he felt bad enough answering those three questions, he confessed, and as usual, ratted out people who committed the same bad crimes he committed. Why? “They’re evil. Pure evil.” He never lied once when he ratted out other criminals. 100% honest truth. He never falsely accused anyone. He never felt bad about ratting them out. “Looks good on them. They’re evil. Pure evil.”

Here’s what never worked: scolding.

Telling Codename Pat that he was bad didn’t work.

Telling Codename Pat that he should feel bad didn’t work.

Telling Codename Pat that he had to stop being bad didn’t work. Telling Codename Pat that he would go to jail didn’t work.

Telling Codename Pat that you were mad at him didn’t work.

Scolding pushed him away. Scolding moved him farther away than he ever moved away before. The only two things that worked were: when his bad crimes matched his Bad list; and when he expanded his Bad List to include more Bad Things. You won’t confess about doing a bad thing until that Bad Thing is added to your Bad List.

The professor gave me a mark of 95% for my essay, just short of body temperature. My final mark for the course was 98%, just short of body temperature. Why is a body temperature mark of 98.6% important? I taught students and athletes for 40 years that 98.6% is normal body temperature for humans. But it’s not normal for humans to get 98.6% in school. When you get abnormally high marks in school, you separate from the rest. When you score high marks, they remember you, especially before, during, and after job interviews. No one will ever forget a 98.6% final mark. They put your name at the top of the list on Graduation Day and Hiring Day.

What’s this got to do with low attendance at Catholic Mass? Everything. This entire true story explains the cause and another big part of the solution to get more people to show up for Mass. But, finding the answer yourself, instead of having it handed to you, is essential for maximizing the potential of what is handed to you. If necessary, re-read this article. And re-read all my previous articles. Correctly interpreting evidence sometimes needs a second reading. Or third—to help unsettle a fixed, complacent Worldview & Workview. Test your investigation skills and don’t become complacent by ignoring evidence in Plain View. The human mind expects evidence to be hidden from view. And that which is in Plain View is too easy to see through. Reason? Complacent, narrow-minded, tunnel-vision, Worldview & Workview.

There’s a Canadian, federal election coming up soon. What’s that got to do with people not showing up for Mass? Everything. The Government communicates beliefs and ideology to your kids, to your entire family, to all your Loved Ones, every day in the media, on social media, and through education and curriculum. Here are 2 videos by Father Mark Goring from Ottawa that will help explain some reasons why the upcoming election is important. He also shares insights into getting more people to show up for Mass:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe8BzHW3l94

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty2G9ueXJ7E

How did I find these videos? They found me. Synchronistic spiritual prompting. Pope John Paul II said in his book, Gift and Mystery: “In the designs of Providence, there are no coincidences.” I strongly recommend you read that book. It will change your life.

The rest of the solution to the crisis of low Mass attendance is a longer story. Continued in part 9.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

April 11, 2025

There was no Youtube in 1978.

There were no cell phones in 1978. The only thing that went viral in 1978 was germs—physical, psychological, and through word-of-mouth. Everyone looked up in 1978. No one looked down at the palm of their hand. And they had a different outlook. Their outlook was connected to vastly different Family Values than today’s Family Values. Cultural Ideology deeply and profoundly influenced who they looked up to, who they look out for, and how they looked out for them. It’s too bad there was no Youtube or cell phones back then because a video of this story would have gone viral. A million views and millions of followers. 100% guaranteed. And, it would prove that I’m not lying. The following story sounds like I’m making it up. Every time I’ve told this story, I feel like I’m lying. I’m not. It’s true. The worst part is that no one videotaped it, so readers have to make up their minds whether to believe. Depends entirely on credibility.

On a scorching hot Sunday in July, 1978, I reported for duty at a Niagara Regional police station for a 4-12 Afternoon Shift. I was a 21-year-old street cop, in my third year of crimefighting. I reported for Sunday briefing with the rest of my platoon. Briefing shared some similarities to Mass. You had to show up on time. Talking was prohibited while you sat in rows similar to pews. The Platoon Sergeant stood at the front, preaching a sermon while standing behind a podium. You had to write notes to prove you were paying attention. And no one could leave the briefing room until after the sergeant left. Except when there was an emergency.

On that day, briefing was interrupted with a call of a “large disturbance, possible riot, weapons involved, ambulances en route.” The location was a Catholic Church situated in the centre of a high-crime area in a Niagara Region city. When I arrived along with the rest of my platoon, there was a mob fighting on the front steps, sidewalk, and street in front of the Church. Three assault victims were transported by ambulance to the hospital.

Several people were arrested. They fought with the cops to resist arrest.

At the police station, I asked the guy I arrested, “What happened?” He said, “Some guy blocked the Virgin Mary Procession.” At that moment, I had a flashback to the Humberstone, Virgin Mary Procession I attended every year as a kid in The 60s. Italian kids were forced to walk in the procession with our parents, slow-marching through the streets of Humberstone, starting and ending at St. John Bosco Church. We were forced to sing Italian, Virgin Mary hymns while holding a Rosary. We had to endure ridicule from the public school kids on their porches when we marched past their houses. Back then, people sat on their porch. and they called it a “porch.” Some people called it a “veranda.” I called it “torture.” I called the Humberstone, Virgin Mary Procession, “torture.” I felt guilty so I confessed it at 4 pm Saturday confession, at St. Patrick’s. I confessed that I called the Virgin Mary Procession, “torture.” I confessed that I mumbled the Italian Virgin Mary hymns. I confessed that I didn’t like public school kids. I confessed that I didn’t like Humberstone. And I confessed that I didn’t like St. John Bosco Church because it reminded me of the Virgin Mary Procession torture.

Ironically, I became a public school kid right after the 60s ended. My poor illiterate Italian immigrant parents couldn’t afford to pay for me to go to Notre Dame high school in Welland. I enrolled at Port Colborne High School in 1971. Becoming a public school kid for the first time caused Culture Shock. I was caught in the middle of Bashing Crossfire. I endured Catholic-bashing by Humberstone kids. After school, I endured public-school-bashing by Notre Dame kids who lived in my neighbourhood, who were my ex-elementary Catholic school classmates. When I played football against Notre Dame, my ex-St. Pat’s altar boys colleagues trash-talked me with obscene Gameday public-school-bashing. In return, I trash-talked them with obscene Notre Dame Catholic-bashing. And I never confessed to any of it.

In 1984, I became a 26-year-old Head football coach at Port Colborne High School. We played in the public school league for 2 years. In 1985 we won a 10-0 championship. In the off-season, I asked the league convenor for my team to be admitted into the Catholic school football league. He said I was crazy. They all said I was crazy. They bashed public schools. They said public schools were too poor. They sounded just like my Notre Dame friends who mocked our family poverty for going to Port High. The League Convenor said Catholic high schools were rich in money and talent. I wanted revenge. I didn’t confess that I wanted revenge. They allowed us to join the Catholic League. In Game 1, we played Notre Dame at Notre Dame. We won 27-10. To motivate my poor, public-school team, I bashed Catholics during my pre-game speech. And I bashed them more at half-time. Then I bashed their coaches during the post-game handshake. I confessed to none of it—including the fact that I enjoyed all of it. All this is an example of Synchronistic Spiritual Prompting. I recommend a great book to read about the subject. Title: Synchronicity As The Work Of The Holy Spirit. Author: Lex Ferrauiola.

After I finished writing the arrest report at the police station regarding the Catholic Church riot, a cop on my platoon who also attended the riot, bashed specific Catholics from that Parish, bashed Catholics from the entire city, and then bashed Catholics in general. I argued with him. I told him I was Catholic. He said, “So am I.” He said he was a parishioner where the riot occurred. I can’t repeat what he called 90% of the parishioners.

What’s all this got to do with less and less people showing up for Catholic Mass? We’ve lost Passion and Provocation. That’s why we don’t Show Up, multiple meanings. Passion and Provocation forces you to Show Up, multiple meanings. Passion and Provocation is dying. Passion and Provocation is on life-support. Passion and Provocation is facing extinction. Passion and Provocation is being replaced with Passion for Procrastination, for putting off what puts you off. And vice-versa.

Contrary to popular opinion, provocation does not exclusively mean inciting bad intentions that express anger or rage or contempt or negative emotion. Provocation is an inducement of extreme effort that results in a positive or negative outcome—depending entirely on intention of passion. Provocation is a primal force that unleashes a torrent of energy and exertion, exceeding previous limitations imposed by real or imagined thresholds that hold back full potential of action and reaction. Provocation is induced and expressed by Heat of Passion, a state of intense emotion that generates intense motion.

There’s a reason why the word “motion” is included in the word “emotion.” Showing Up is the outcome of motion. Coaching and teaching taught me that when students and athletes Show Up to class, they went in motion. When students and athletes Show Up to practice, they went in motion. When students and athletes Show Up to the gym, they went in motion. When students and athletes Show Up to break new ground and reach the elusive Next Level, they went in motion. What generated their motion? A state of intense emotion. They were provoked by a Heat of Passion to achieve something bigger than themselves, something outside their selves, something they desperately needed, like oxygen. When humans add anything, good or bad, to their personal list of Basic Survival Needs, they Show Up. They not only Show Up, they never leave. They never leave it behind, and they never leave anyone behind. Their loyalty becomes their brand. They vow to Show Up. They take an oath to Show Up, no matter what, no matter when, no matter why, no matter how. Their oath binds their conscience. The “law” recognized the power of an oath a long time ago. That’s why witnesses are required to swear an oath. To bind their conscience.

Passion and Provocation force you to fully and unconditionally Show Up, multiple meanings: whether it’s convenient or not; comfortable or not; affordable or not. Passion and Provocation forces you to fight, multiple meanings: fight temptation to take flight; fight temptation to fail-to-appear; fight temptation to disappear, and most importantly; fight your worst fear.

Show Up means more than just raising your hand and saying, “Here,” when they take attendance. Saying “present” is easy. It takes no effort, no exertion, no work. No sweat, no pain, no discomfort, no blood, dual meaning: not bleeding for it and not for family. Being “present” takes effort, exertion and gut-spilling work. It takes sweat, causes pain and discomfort, and you do it for Blood even it it draws blood. Saying “present” and being “present” are opposites. One is a matter of words, the other is a matter of works. Those who can’t or won’t, talk about it. Those who can and will, work at it.

Anyone can raise their hand; not everyone can raise someone to be fully and unconditionally “present.” Our ancestors Raised us to Show Up, to be “present.” Post-Modern Society erased that Raising and we allowed it to happen. We consented. We voted for it to happen. We hired people to do it. We paid others to erase Raising. We are accomplices in the erasing of our Raising.

We forgot what Showing Up means—full immersion of mind-body-soul doing the job that has to get done because it’s a Matter of Blood, dual meaning. It has to be in your blood and it has to be for Your Blood. That’s what our ancestors taught us. That’s what they fought for us and why they fought for us. They fought to teach Family Values. Why? For one purpose: to build Worldview & Workview that align with Family Values. Alignment and Assignment. Our ancestors were committed to their Divine Assignment of teaching and building Family Values. Our ancestors understood the significance and relevance of 3F Alignment. Faith-Family-Fatica Alignment was a Basic Survival Need. It was a matter of life and death. And Family Values was the cement that bound the 3F’ structure together. Family Values was the central core that connected the 3 Fs: Faith-Family-Fatica. Without Family Values, Faith and Fatica were disconnected from Family. Result? Acedia. Separation, triple meaning: from Faith; from Family; from Fatica. Result? Broken lives. Broken Alignment. Broken Assignment.

Our ancestors fought. They fought the temptation to relinquish their moral obligation of teaching Family Values to those outside the family. Outsiders reinforced and supported Family Values but Family Values were under the academic control of the Family. No one else. That’s why they’re called Family Values. Teaching Family Values wasn’t discretionary or optional depending on mood, attitude, right time, right place. Even without the Internet, without Google, without Social Media, our ancestors knew that teaching Family Values was a moral obligation cemented in their Culture. Our ancestors didn’t need to download an App to teach Family Values. They didn’t need Artificial Intelligence. They relied on Cultural Intelligence. They didn’t pass the buck. They didn’t forfeit their moral obligation to teach Family Values on Election Day or to teachers or coaches or bosses or consultants. Our ancestors protected their Family Value-teachings and the subsequent Worldview and Workview that emerged.

Bad news. Passion and Provocation to fully Show Up is gone. We’ve lost our Passion and Provocation that forces us to Show Up 100% of the time and give 100% effort all the time—to fight for the connection between Family Values and Faith. And the connection between Family Values and Fatica.

Post-Modern Society let Passion and Provocation die a slow, unnatural death. Just like in football, we lost “possession of our balls.” Turnover happened. We became neutered and neutralized. We lived life in the Neutral Zone, never jumping offside or even onside. We stayed a safe distance from the action. Why? The Neutral Zone is a safe place. You don’t have to risk anything. You don’t have to risk being criticized or canceled. You don’t have to risk being disliked or deleted or blocked or unfriended or offended or even defended. When you lose possession of your balls, your opponent has balls. Then what happens? You always play defence; they always play offence. You’re always offended. And you’re never fully defended. You’re always on the defensive while the opponent is always on the offensive. That’s why coaches tell their teams to protect their balls. That’s why coaches preach, “never lose possession of your balls.” It’s impossible to cross the goal-line without possession of your balls.

Bad news. Nothing grows in the Neutral Zone, including balls. Strength doesn’t grow, smarts don’t grow, balls don’t grow. You remain Neutral and Neutered, hoping the problem solves itself or dissolves itself.

Passion and Provocation forces you to Show Up in a Big Way, for good or bad. Passion and Provocation to Show Up were essential elements of our Culture. They were products of nature and nurture. Back then, people didn’t have Passion and Provocation just for one thing. They had Passion and Provocation for everything. Reason? Passion and Provocation was a Cultural Soul. Passion and Provocation was a Lifestyle, dual meaning. A way of life and a way to extend life for the rest of your life. Faith, Family, Fatica was for life. Forever and the pulse of life.

In The 60s, no one searched for motivation. Why? It was in Their Blood, dual meaning: it was in their DNA Code, and; it was their Blood Type.

More bad news: we have genetically modified our DNA. We have changed or Blood Type. We squandered our inheritance. We moved away, starting a chain reaction. We moved away from Family. Then we moved away from Faith. Then we moved away from Fatica. Moving away is Social Long-Distancing. Contrary to popular myth, the Pandemic didn’t invent or cause social distancing. We all know when that started. We all know the exact moment when we moved away. No one ever forgets when anyone moves away. Why? Because it creates the dreaded Psychological Void. And it creates the dreaded pursuit to fill it. Both become indelibly etched in long-term memory.

Post-Modern Society searches tirelessly for motivation. The conventional concept of motivation is a myth. At best, or worst, depending on perspective, motivation is a temporary feeling. You momentarily feel good about what you heard, saw, or read. You feel a spark. But, the fire goes out when reality hits—it all sounds like fun until the work has to get done. Provocation is different. Provocation is rocket fuel that compels and propels attendance and achievement. Provocation ignites a Heat of Passion and vice-versa. It forges a lifestyle. You live it. You never leave it. You don’t need motivational speakers or motivational books. You’re fuelled by 3F responsibility. Responsibility for Faith, Family, Fatica.

Why do some people Show Up?

Why do some people not Show Up?

Those who Show Up live by a Code, a Cultural Code of Conduct governed exclusively by their conscience, individually and collectively. One voice, one volume. Same intensity, same frequency. Those who Show Up built the number one character trait of High Achievers: conscientiousness. They identify with and are identified by conscientiousness. It’s humanly impossible to be disciplined in mind-body-soul without having built unconditional conscientiousness. What is true conscientiousness? Conscience-driven passion and provocation to consistently Show Up for every moment that matters to build the 3Fs: Faith, Family, Fatica.

Every single day, all humans decide whether to Make a Vow to Show Up in any relationship, personal or professional. The decision depends on subconscious and conscious calculations of Cost & Reward. In The 60s, the economics of personal Cost & Reward were structured by Culture. Cemented and wired into Family Values that shaped Worldview & Workview; that produced a Passion for production, for building, for growing, for evolving. Personal Evolution was not discretionary. It was mandatory. So was teaching and mentoring a child’s Personal Evolution. Maturing into a responsible adult who Showed Up for Faith, Family, Fatica was deemed a moral responsibility, not an option that depended on the conditions of convenience and comfort. Parents considered it their assignment to guarantee that their children developed survival skills to function maturely as adults. They accepted their moral obligation as their Life Mission. They didn’t need to “find their why” or Google ‘how to find ‘meaning.’” They connected with their conscience. Post-Modern Society has replaced The Conscience with Google, Social Media, and their Newsfeeds. The only search engine our ancestors needed was their conscience. They were taught and raised by The Code. Bad news. My generation started Code-Breaking. We experimented with it, taught it, voted for it, elected it, Googled it, posted it, liked it and shared it. Then we followed it, dual meaning: we became followers of Post-Modern Code-Breaking. To be fair, we were warned. Psychologists warned us long ago about the danger and evils of conformity.

Three 20th Century landmark studies all concluded the same thing: at least 66% of humans are blind followers who crack under peer pressure just to fit in even when it doesn’t fit what they were raised to believe. Conformity erases raising. That means at least two-thirds of humans will conform to the thoughts and practices that contradict their Family Values and principles for one reason: to fit in, to be a part of the crowd. Why? Fear. Fear of being different. Fear of fighting for their values and principles. Fear of the work and effort involved. Fear of being scolded and scorned. There’s at least a 66% chance that your kids will become victims of Peer Pressure and do bad things they were not raised to do. There’s at least a 66% chance that you will do something in your lifetime that you won’t believe in. There’s at least a 66% chance that you will cave into Adult Peer Pressure and cross your heart by doing something that contradicts what you truly believe in your heart and soul. I recommend you Google three psychology conformity studies: Asch, Zimbardo, Milgram. Those are the surnames of the researchers who conducted the studies. You’ll be shocked, hidden meaning.

Bad news. It’s higher than 66%. Like with house prices, food prices, gas prices, and the entire cost of Canadian living, the percentage of conformity has experienced extreme inflation. It’s now over 90%. I have anecdotal evidence of this. Over 90% of humans will follow, accept, and adopt other people’s behaviours and beliefs even if it contradicts their own. Why? More Fear. Fear of missing out. Fear of being left out. Fear of not being picked out. Fear of being an outsider. Fear of being an outcast. Fear of disapproval. Fear of being disliked. Fear of criticism. Fear of critics. All those fears make you scared to death of being different, of saying no, of fighting for your Family Values you were raised with, of fighting for your beliefs that your ancestors fought for you to learn. I’ve taught over 25,000 students & athletes: evidence of the Post-Modern 90% Rule of Conformity—social media counts followers. Look carefully at the word “follower.” It includes the word “lower.” Be careful you don’t become a follower of what lowers you. And vice-versa. You lower, then you become a follower of what lowers you more.

More bad news. When you follow and lower, you Move Away, multiple meanings: moving away in mind, body, and soul; moving away from one place; moving away from another place. Moving away becomes a habit. So does not moving away. Moving away is any action of distancing physically, intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually. Where does the Moving Away chain reaction start? Moving away from Family Values.

Here’s the irony. Our ancestors moved away from their families. They moved away because of starvation. They moved away from wars and resulting depression–economically, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. But they didn’t move away from Family Values. That’s why they never moved away from their Faith and Fatica. In fact, they moved closer to Faith and Fatica when they started their own families. What did Post-Modern Society do? The opposite. We didn’t just move away, we pushed away. We pushed away and got pushed around. Our Family Values got pushed around and pushed away. The distance got longer. We became spectators. We retreated to the sidelines and watched. We became addicted to watching screens. All sizes of screens. Big, medium, small. We abandoned the frontline and settled for screens on the sidelines. Result? BloodShed, dual meaning: we shed ourselves from our Blood, and; Blood shed from Faith.

Good News. There are a lot of solutions. Here’s one solution with a rich, proven history that has worked and still works. You can see it in a 4-hour PBS documentary called “Gospel,” hosted by Henry Louis Gates Jr. But focus on Episode 2 called “The Golden Age of Gospel.” Episode 2 is breathtaking. You will feel the solution in your soul. You will hear the solution in your soul. 100% Guaranteed. After watching episode 2, discuss it with your family. I’d be glad to discuss it with you. Let’s organize a discussion to share opinions about Episode 2 and the solutions it teaches. Contact me at arcaro.gino@gmail.com.

The rest of the solution is a long story.

Continued in part 8.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

March 25, 2025

This story sounds like I’m making it up.

I’m not. It’s true. Don’t worry if it doesn’t makes sense at first. It’s actually good if it doesn’t make sense at first. Reason? Because on the surface, it doesn’t appear to make sense. And it shouldn’t make sense. The real problem is if the story does make sense.

In October 1978, I was working a midnight shift on patrol as a street cop in a high-crime area of the Niagara Region. I was a 21 year-old, 3-year cop at that time. At 6:30 am, I received a call from the dispatcher: “Domestic in progress. Two suspects. Possibly armed. Code 3. Unit to back.”  I was only 5 blocks from the house address. When I arrived, the front door was smashed open. I heard two voices screaming and swearing. Two men were in the kitchen. One guy was 58 years-old. The other guy was 35 years-old. There were 17 empty beer bottles on the kitchen table along with an empty whiskey bottle. Two ashtrays were loaded. Overflowing. The 58 year-old guy pointed to the 35 year-old guy and screamed, “I want that guy out of the house! He called me a Catholic! Get him out now!” Under the Trespass to Property Act, you don’t need a reason to kick a guest out of your house. As soon as you remove “visitor consent,” the visitor becomes a  “trespasser.” I told the 35 year-old guy he had to leave or he would get arrested. He refused to leave and called me a “pig” (with a obscenity in front of the word pig.” I told the 35 year-old guy, “Last chance. He wants you out of the house.” The 35 year-old guy said, “I want HIM out of the house.” I told the 35 year-old guy not to be difficult and leave. Then the 35 year-old guy said, “Why do I have to leave, I live here?” Then I asked the 58 year-old guy, “Do you live here?” The 58 year-old guy said, “No. My son does,” and pointed to the 35 year-old guy. I asked the 35 year-old guy, “Who owns the house?” He said, “I do.”

Police Lesson #1: Don’t assume. Ask who owns the house the moment you arrive.

At that point, father and son threatened to kill each other. Easy decision to arrest both. Father and son both resisted arrest and fought with the cops.

At the police station, I said to the son who was drunk and high, “Just so you know, I’m Catholic.” He said, “So am I.” I said, “You called your Dad, a ‘Catholic.’ What’s wrong with Catholics?” He said,”Come on…you know what they’re like.”

I talked to the Dad who was drunk and high. I said, “Just wondering… your son says he’s Catholic but he called you a Catholic. What are you?”

He said, “What do you mean? Religion?” I said, “Yes, religion. Just wondering so I make sense out of this.” Dad said, “Well, my parents said I’m Catholic. That’s all I’m gonna say.” I asked: “Just curious. I’m Catholic. Why does it insult you to be called Catholic?” Dad asked, “What? You don’t know?”

I’m writing these blogs to try to invite discussion about the decline in attending Mass. What does this story have to do with the decline of Catholic Mass Attendance? Everything. Catholic Mass Absenteeism isn’t new. It’s Old. Dual meaning. It started in the Old Days and it started with Old People. “Old Days” is defined as, “long ago when the problem started to grow.” Old People is not defined just by age. Old People is defined by fatigue, at any age. Exhaustion. Humans feel old when they can’t keep up any more. And when they can’t keep up any more, they give up more. They give up what they used to fight for. Reason? They run out of gas. And they’re too tired to admit it. Fatigue becomes the enemy of logic. Instead of making sense, they stop the fight to make sense. They settle for no sense. They find creative solutions such as bashing each other with words. Words that demand no effort, no exertion, no discomfort, no hardship. They settle for Easyship. Easyship, a word not in the English Dictionary, is one of the infinite examples of Post-Modernism. It describe a mentality that desires a marked departure from the past. Easyship is one reason why people bash each other with words that insult their religion and use it as an excuse to stop going to Church. If that statement doesn’t make sense, it shouldn’t. That’s why it’s used as an excuse.

The domestic investigation I described was part of my journey in becoming a Bashing Expert. I’m an expert in cop bashing, teacher bashing, Canadian Football-Coach bashing, Italian bashing, Southern-Italian bashing, Catholic bashing.

Cop bashing hasn’t evolved in Post-Modernism. It’s primitive. Cop bashers aren’t creative. They’re boring. They’re unimaginative. They’re old-school. They plagiarize. They copy, they cut & paste. Nothing original. During 15 years of policing, cop bashers never came up with anything original. Same old insults. “Pig.” “Pig,” accompanied by death threats, donut jokes. Nothing new. Cop bashing never evolved. Stuck in the past.

Same with teacher bashing. The day I became a college law-enforcement teacher, a cop I used to work with said, “Must be nice. Now you get summers off, March break off, Christmas and Easter off.”  Teacher bashers are primitive. No post-modernism. Nothing original. Same old teacher-bashing insults. Nothing Post-Modern.

Canadian Football-Coach bashing is boring. American football coaches call us soft. American football coaches call Canadian football coaches another bad word that I won’t use in this article because the article would have to be X-Rated. It’s an 8-letter word that starts with an “S” and ends in a “K.” Same old Canadian Football-Coach bashing. Nothing new. Nothing original. Nothing Post-Modern.

Italian-bashers are the worst copy-cats and plagiarists. “Dago,” “Wop.” “Greaseball.” “Spaghetti-bender.” All copycats. Plagiarism. Even when they put “Dumb” in front of each insult. Nothing new. Nothing original. Primitive. Nothing Post-Modern.

Southern-Italian bashing by Northern Italians? Same thing. Old. Nothing new. Nothing Post-Modern. Slanderous low stereotypical insults. Dual meaning: Low IQ and low character.

But Catholic bashing is a different story. It’s creative. It’s Post-Modern. It’s evil. Pure evil. Don’t Google, “Catholic Bashing,” it’s traumatic. You won’t recover easily from what you read. Resist the temptation to Google, “Catholic Bashing.” Resist the temptation on all of your social media newsfeeds. It will take you six weeks to recover. Minimum.

Do not Google, “Marco Rubio American Secretary of State.” Secretary Rubio is Catholic. On Ash Wednesday last week, he appeared on cable TV with a cross on his forehead after receiving ashes at Mass. He kept the ashes on during the entire international, TV interview while talking about global issues—for the entire world to see. If you Google, “Marco Rubio,” you won’t have to type “cross on his forehead” because it appears automatically. Warning: Do not read the vile comments. Vile and evil have the exact same four letters for a reason. They are scrambled for a reason—because they will scramble your mind and your thinking. Do not let your children or any adult loved ones Google, “Marco Rubio.” Save their minds from poisoning. Reason? Post-Modern Catholic Bashing has reached next-level. The good news is that Marco Rubio had the guts to do it. He had the guts to put his Catholicism on full display in front of the entire world. More good news: He’s part of the solution to this serious problem of low Mass attendance. But his message has been obscured because of Post-Modern Catholic bashing.

Word bashing is an expression of internal pain that is intended to cause external pain. Bashing with words is a solution used by immature, weak minds that are unwilling and incapable of finding a mature solution to a problem. What problem? Their Cognitive Dissonance. Cognitive Dissonance is the inner-conflict caused by contradiction… by crossing your heart, by ignoring your conscience, by knowing better but not doing better. Left unchecked, Cognitive Dissonance becomes a lifestyle of deception, a lifestyle of abandonment, a lifestyle of abdicating responsibilities. Left unresolved, Cognitive Dissonance burns relationships from the inside-out. Relationships with self, with other humans, with your conscience, with your soul, with The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. Values, beliefs, character, and morality are abandoned. Then relationships and then health in mind-body-soul. A Cycle of Despair results from the vortex of lies, alibis, and denials.

Word bashing is a subconscious and conscious attempt to separate from whoever and whatever causes pain that results from obligation. When obligation causes pain, the human mind searches for an escape, regardless of who gets hurt during the escape. Pain is transferable. Someone’s pain-relief becomes someone’s killer-pain. The cycle is embedded in the economy of Pain Exchange as pain becomes currency…  spent or saved at anyone’s expense in order to justify a lie, any alibi, or any denial.

The human mind bashes any person, any culture, any organization whose structure is based on accountability. We bash anyone and anything that threatens our desire to do whatever we want without consequences, without repercussion, without permission. Bashing is a defence to an offence… real or imagined. When we fear getting caught, we bash those who want to catch us. Then we hide behind freedom-of-speech, regardless of the expense. Free from guilt no matter what or who gets killed. Multiple meanings.

When we want to create distance, we attack relevance.

Separate, then berate.

And vice-versa.

Another slight, another fight.

And vice-versa.

Bad news: Bashing is one of the steps along the dangerous continuum that connects contempt with hate.

When I was a detective, I spent too many hours in interrogation rooms, sitting across from violent criminals—who were arrested for unspeakable crimes—for one purpose: Get a confession. Just like on Saturdays at St. Patrick’s at 4 pm.

There was one common / uncommon denominator that characterized every violent criminal: They were filled with hate. Hate that manifested in physical violence against the Hated One. Hate is a dangerous Change Agent. It dangerously alters worldview and workview. When you hate someone to the point that it consumes you, perspective is lost. Logic is lost. Sanity is lost. Value for decency is lost. Value for human life is lost.

What’s the solution? Can’t solve any mystery until you identify the problem with 100% laser accuracy.

And admit it.

Confess.

No lies, no alibis, no denials.

It’s impossible to change when you won’t admit it. It’s always tough to admit it because every confession acknowledges guilt. And neglect. And commission. And omission. Absolutely zero positive change will ever happen without admitting culpability.

We did it.

We’re guilty.

We all know exactly what happened.

All marked departure from past culture is the outcome of weakening. Multiple meanings. Same with broken relationships. Weakening won’t work. Dual meaning. And vice-versa. Weakening leads to abandonment. And vice-versa. When it’s deleted from our personal list of Basic Survival Needs, we abandon it.

My generation weakened family security.

We abandoned what needed to be taught and taught what didn’t need to be taught.

We abdicated our responsibility to teach the Core Values that our ancestors taught.

We relinquished our moral obligation to teach our families the same Core Values our parents taught. Ambushed and attacked the structure our ancestors built.

We handed over Core-Value teaching responsibility to those outside the family. Outsourced it. Delegated the teaching of it.

We rebelled against the families that raised us. Shredded our upbringing, tore it apart.

We didn’t even protect the economy for our own families. Made it almost impossible for our families to have the lifestyle that our ancestors fought and built for us.

Our own families likely will never buy or own a house, never afford to feed themselves and their families in the same way we did.

Catholic Faith and Catholic Mass attendance are just more casualties of the mess we created. We know the solution but we won’t admit it. Why? When you admit to a problem, you have to commit to the work to solve it. It’s easier to complain about the problem than try to solve it.

Good news: We can fill the seats at Mass. How? It’s a long story but here’s a start. It’s already happening. There’s a blueprint. These two links explain a wide-spread Christian revival by young people that’s in-progress, right now in 2025:

https://cbn.com/news/entertainment/ohio-state-notre-dame-players-share-hope-theyve-found-jesus-ahead-championship

https://www.dispatch.com/story/opinion/columns/2025/01/21/ohio-state-notre-dame-football-national-championships-faith/77849913007/

On the surface, both articles appear to explain only the outcomes, not solutions. But if you read deeper, you will see the evidence that solves the mystery of how to fill the seats at Mass. The rest of the solution is a long story.

Continued in part 7.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

March 15, 2025

In October 2005, one of my college law enforcement students asked me for a meeting. He was also a football player on my Canadian college football team that I coached, a non-profit team sponsored by my wife and me. The team was called the Niagara X-Men. We played exclusively in the USA for the singular purpose of helping Canadian student-athletes reach the next-level and the next and the next. At the beginning of the fall semester, this student told me his dream was to earn a football scholarship to an American University. I told him, “Your dream is now my dream.” At this October meeting, he said he had to go to his sister’s wedding in Aruba. He asked me if he could write all his fall mid-term exams before everyone else. I told him, “No, because we would both get fired for committing a scandal that would make headlines.” Additionally, he stated he would miss two football games and asked if he could keep his starting linebacker job when he returned. I said, “No, because we would both get fired for committing a scandal that would make headlines.” The following conversation ensued:

I asked him, “Does your sister like living in Aruba?”

He said, “She lives in Canada.”

I asked, “Why is the wedding in Aruba?”

He said, “It’s a “Destination Wedding. They were getting married on a beach and over 100 people were flying to Aruba for the wedding.”

I told him, “Nice try.”

I told the student I didn’t believe him. I said that I had been a cop for 15 years. I told him that policing made me an expert lie detector. I wasn’t easily fooled. I said that “Destination Wedding” was 1 of the top 26 craziest fabrications I’d ever heard of, including all the professional lies and alibis made up by violent criminals I had arrested and interrogated.

Two hours later, I said at a faculty meeting, “Kids these days. A student just lied through his teeth about missing exams and 2 Gamedays. He’s going on vacation to Aruba but covered it up with a made-up story about a Destination Wedding to get sympathy. Can you believe it? Destination Wedding! Can you imagine? Getting married on a beach a thousand miles away? Come on. There’s no end to student lies.”

Someone in the meeting said, “It’s true. Destination Weddings are becoming a big deal.”

The first thing I thought was, good thing people got married in a Church in The 60s. Destination Weddings in The 60s would have cost me a fortune in lost Wedding-Money altar-boy income. Destination Weddings would have caused a recession—receding altar boy income.

The second thing I thought was having to move away from Port Colborne or Ontario or Canada, if my wife and I had been married on a beach. What does that mean? There’s an Italian phrase called “Che Vergogna.” Translation. What an embarrassment. Not just any embarrassment. Next-Level Embarrassment. 5th-Degree Embarrassment. The type that would force you to have to move out of the community, far away, out of sight. Long distance move. Maybe to Aruba. Why? My poor illiterate Southern Italian parents Antonio and Maria were not Post-Modern parents. In Southern Italian Culture, you got married in a Church. A Catholic Church. No sand, no beach, no sun, no fun. With a Priest. A Catholic priest. The same priest you received communion from every Sunday, no…matter… what. The same priest you confessed all your sins to every single Saturday at 4 pm, no…matter…what. Then, you all said, “I do.” Then, you did. Then you did it the same way that everybody did it. You did it the same way because the same way worked. Dual meaning. It got the job done and you got the job done. Culture was a Magnetic Force back then. Culture attracted. Culture was a Gravitational Force that kept you grounded. You didn’t take flight away from a fight. Or for a Destination Wedding.

Antonio and Maria didn’t compromise their faith for no one, including me. They weren’t easily influenced by Post-Modern peer pressure to abandon their faith or their culture or their principles or their values. They were minimalists, immune to trends, spending sprees, and luxury. They taught me the 3 Basis Rules of Italianomics:

1. Do the most with the least.
2. Earn the most and spend the least.
3. Say the least while you work the most, earn the most, save the most.

Italianomics was based on the deep-rooted Southern Italian mentality called Arrangiarsi—the will and capacity to endure, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when. No matter how hard it got. No matter how little you had. No matter the risk. No matter how impossible it looked. The Southern Italian Culture had zero tolerance for Code-Breaking. There was only one C.F.L. in the Southern Italian Culture—Consequence-Full Life. You paid for your Culture Crimes. No leniency. No defence. No presumption of innocence. Just presumption of guilt, dual meaning. Guilt without a trial and trial resulting from guilt. Guilt was a driving force back then, dual meaning. Guilt drove you to High Achievement or drove you crazy. It depended on Cultural Worldview and Workview, and what effect it had on you.

The heresy and controversy of me getting married on a beach would have been the equivalent of Canada changing it’s flag colours to red, white and blue. I would have faced the same outrage we Canadians are feeling at the thought of becoming the 51st State. That outrage would have led to rebellion. To protest. To exclusion. I would have had to immigrate to another county or another country. I would have become a dual citizen: second-generation Southern Italian and first-generation immigrant to wherever I would have moved.

Imagine the outrage today if your favourite hockey team changed their uniform colour from blue to green. Imagine what Toronto Maple Leafs fans would do if the Leafs abandoned their culture and ditched their iconic blue uniforms for green or purple or yellow. Or if they played their home games on a beach. Or in Aruba. Or away games on a beach. Or in Aruba. There would be a rebellion. Online and offline. There would be protests. Online and offline. The economy would collapse. People would book off sick…indefinitely. No one would work, nothing would work. The health care system would collapse. Hockey fans would fight back with deep, profound passion trying to preserve Leafs Culture. That’s why Cultures endure—by fighting, not taking flight. By fighting for beliefs and for The Leafs, not taking flight from beliefs or from The Leafs. By fighting to follow their conscience, not fighting against their conscience.   

My poor illiterate Italian parents Antonio and Maria were not hockey fans or sports fans. They were Culture Fans. There were fanatic about Southern Italian Culture that was based on 3 F’s: Faith, Family, Fatica. In Italian, “Fatica” means gut-spilling work. Manual labour. Lifting heavy weight, carrying heavy weight. “Fatica” is the essential element of building structure, triple meaning. Structure of family, structure for family to live in, structure for family to work in. “Fatica” is also the essential element of building Structure of Faith. It works for you when you work at it. And vice-versa.

Faith, Family, Fatica start with the same two letters for  a reason. “Fa” in Broken Uneducated Illiterate Southern Italian means “do.” It means “do it forthwith, do it consistently, do it passionately, do it without complaining, do it without excuses, do it to endure, do it as an expression of love for God and for family, and Do It No Matter What.” The 3 Fs were unconditional, non-negotiable, and binding. Dual meaning. The 3 F’s bind the conscience, and the 3 Fs bind God with family and with Fatica. When it works and when humans work at it, the 3 Fs bind for life. Binding life-time contracts. No escape clause. No exceptions, no appeals, no grievances. Binding agreement. Binding alignment. Binding assignment.

Bad news. No bind, starts to unwind. Result? Big Mess, no success, just a lot of stress.

The 3 Fs were Basic Survival Needs for Southern Italians. Like oxygen. Every strong relationship, personal or professional, with humans or work or activities, needs oxygen to survive. Same with faith. No oxygen, suffer asphyxiation. Any relationship without oxygen asphyxiates. When you need it like oxygen, you will fight for it. It becomes a matter of life and death. When you don’t, the relationship suffocates. Every human builds a personal List of Basic Survival Needs composed of Fixed Needs and Flux Needs. Fixed Needs are universal prerequisites for all human survival: food, water, shelter, love. Flux Needs are the changing needs, good or bad, that each individual customizes through positive or negative growth, to form Personal Ethos, their distinguishing character, that defines identity through intensity of consistency. In the 60s, the 3 Fs were indelibly etched in the psyche of society’s collective Basic Survival Needs Lists. There was no “delete” function. The 3 Fs were saved on your Inner Hard Drive forever. Hardwired and Wired Hard. Bound together, dual meaning. The 3 Fs remained culturally-based until Post-Modern Society launched an attack against them, starting a War of Worlds—a war on your world and a war on the world of your Loved Ones.

Bad news, we are not our ancestors. We didn’t fight back. We took flight. Why? Comfort. Complacency. Weak. Spoiled. Soft. Reason? Weak struggle. Our struggle was weaker than the struggle of our ancestors. We struggled less than our ancestors because we were given more. When you’re given more, more is expected. Except when you get comfortable, complacent, spoiled, soft, fragile and weak. That’s what happens when you get it handed to you. You get it handed to you. We had it handed to us. We handed more to our kids. They handed more to their kids.

My generation had unprecedented comfort handed to us. Then we gave the next generation even more comfort. More comfort, less effort. And vice-versa. Applies on/in Any Field. Replacement Therapy took over. Indulgence and affluence replaced perseverance, endurance, and adherence. There’s a direct relationship between degree of struggle and degree of faith. It’s one of the Laws of Proportion. The more struggle you face, the more faith you practice. And vice-versa.

Our struggle and sacrifice never has and never will match the struggle and sacrifice our ancestors. Instead of honouring the sacrifices and struggles of our ancestors, we dishonour them. We made it easy, now it’s become hard.

Hard to believe, dual meaning. Hard to believe in what our ancestors believed in, and hard to believe the mess we’ve created. It’s hard to believe that we let other people tell us and our families what to believe and not believe. It’s hard to believe that we let our culture die. It’s hard to believe that we find it so hard to believe. If our ancestors were alive, they would find all this hard to believe.

Lost the struggle, lost faith. And vice-versa. They removed First Generation struggle for us. We removed Second Generation struggle for our families. They removed Third Generation struggle for their families. Now we all struggle when there’s real struggle. Now we all struggle when there’s life and death struggle of our culture. Now we all struggle to show up. Why? Because of the Law of Unintended Consequences: by removing struggle, we added struggle. We added struggle to show up when it’s time to step up. And vice-versa. We added struggle to step up when it’s time to show up. No wonder Post-Modern Society doesn’t show up. It’s the consequence of evolution. The strong keep showing up, the weak don’t. We became a victim of Darwinism… the strong survive, the weak get eaten alive.

Our ancestor’s culture got eaten alive. We surrendered without a fight. We replaced our ancestor’s values with the values of government who told us what to think, when to think it, and where. We voted for it, we celebrated it, we promoted it, we spectated it, we became fans. We sat in the stands at a standstill. Stuck in neutral. Lost our backbone, lost our nerve, lost our strength, lost our faith. We got tired easily. Got out-of-shape in mind, body, and soul. Screen Size shrunk Life Size. Our lives shrunk to the size of our screens. Miniature Lives. Artificial Lives. Superficial Lives. Stressful Lives.

We became Blind Conformists in exchange for anything free and legal. Vote for me, I’ll give it to you legal and free. Didn’t have to pay for it, then we paid for it. Now we ask, “Where did they go? Where did it all go?”

Answer. We watched from the sideline. We abandoned the frontline. In less than one generation we wasted our Cultural Inheritance. If we had  protected our Cultural Inheritance with the same energy as we protect our financial inheritance, we would show up. They would show up We would enjoy Attendance Abundance. Places would be packed like they were in The 60s. Instead, my generation got soft and weak, easy to defeat. We made the next generation softer and weaker, easier to defeat. We should have ignored Post-Modern influence that warped and twisted our mind’s and our Loved One’s Minds. On Small Screens, on Big Screens. We voted against our conscience. We voted against our faith. We selected and elected superficially and artificially. In less than one generation, we destroyed the structure that an entire culture had built over centuries. Why? Laziness.

We were warned. But we didn’t listen, dual meaning. Didn’t listen to our conscience. Didn’t listen to our culture. Reason? Ignorance and arrogance. We think we we’re smarter than our parents. Our kids think they’re smarter than us. Their kids think they’re smarter than our kids. Ignorance and arrogance is contagious. Left unchecked, ignorance and arrogance spread easily, dual meaning. Ignorance and arrogance goes viral and then spreads the dangerous. It spreads the dangerous lie that life will always be easy. That life will be easier because of more technology. That life will be easier with Artificial Intelligence. That life must be easier because of the lie that we are entitled to an Easy Life. We have become Enablers of Entitlement. Then we complain about it. Don’t complain about that which you tolerate. And vice-versa… don’t tolerate what you complain about.

We were warned long ago. St. Thomas Aquinas warned us that laziness was a symptom of Acedia way back in the13th Century. There was no artificial intelligence back then. There was “real intelligence.” Spiritual intelligence. Generations listened. They listened and warned us. So did our parents. Even the ones who were illiterate and uneducated. Reason? They had to work for it. They had to work for their spiritual intelligence. They had to work for all their relationships. Our ancestors didn’t discard relationships when the work got too hard. Including Spiritual Relationships. Post-Modern Society has normalized Disposable Relationships and Decomposable Relationships. Can’t relate, don’t tolerate, just terminate.

We’ve normalized superficial and artificial relationships, intelligence, excellence, strength, and character. When relationships became disposal, character followed. Character became disposal, superficial, and artificial. And weak character easily followed Post-Modern Leaders who taught us to abandon faith, to vote against it, to vote it out, to cut it out. My generation allowed our kids to be taught to ignore the voice of their conscience in exchange for campaign promises to make life more comfortable, more pleasurable, regardless of the cost. Now the cost has skyrocketed just like the cost of houses, food, clothes, cars, gas. And Destination Weddings.

I got paid a lot of money to show up for funerals in The 60s. In My 60s, we all are paying for the Death of Character. And the cost keeps skyrocketing just like the cost of living in a Canadian economy that is unaffordable. It’s hard to believe how much it costs to live, to eat, to survive, to thrive. No wonder it’s hard to believe that it’s hard to believe.

Good news. There’s a solution.

Bad news. We already know it.

We already learned it.

But we keep failing the test.

Continued in Part 6.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

March 4, 2025

Church isn’t the only place they don’t show up to anymore.

In The 60s, attendance was governed by the 90-10 Rule. At least 90% showed up. Less than 10% were absent. This applied everywhere. Church, school, practice, work day, Training Day, Gameday. In my 60s, the 90-10 Rule reversed—t became the 10-90 Rule—10% showed up, 90% didn’t.

I coached football for 40 years. Over 90% of my football coaching career was governed by the 90-10 Rule of Attendance. Training Day was packed. Practice was packed. The Gym was packed. Same applied to College law-enforcement teaching. I was a College Law Enforcement Professor for 20 years, including 13 years as Program Coordinator of 2 programs. Over 90% of my teaching career was governed by the 90-10 Rule of Attendance. College classrooms were packed. Over 200 students per class. Jam packed. All of it was Life Size. Full of life. Until Post-Modern Society shrunk Life Size to Screen Size. My conscience is clear. I taught over 25,000 student-athletes before life shrunk to the size of the screens they were attached to most and longest. Many listened. Some didn’t. Those who did listen grew Life Size and reached the Next Level.

Life shrunk, attendance shrunk. And vice-versa. At football practice, at the gym, in College law enforcement classrooms, attendance shrunk. Same with Church. The 90-10 Rule of Attendance from The 60s reversed to the 90-10 Rule of Absence. All of it Emptied Out. Multiple meanings. Emptied Out in passion, drive, will to work, minds, bodies, souls. Emptiness—dual meaning—didn’t just happen. Nothing just happens.

Fifteen years in policing taught me that nothing happens coincidentally, randomly, accidentally, through osmosis, or overnight. Good or bad, nothing just happens without reasons, reactions, and actions. Everything, good or bad, happens purposely. Triple meaning. On purpose, with purpose, or without purpose. Remove purpose from life, watch what happens on purpose. Including crime, stress, anxiety, fear, pain and agony that causes crime and results from crime. Including the crime of “Fail To Appear.” Church, practice, gym, class wasn’t the only places. They made “Fail To Appear in Court” a criminal offence. They issued warrants to arrest those who “Fail To Appear in court.” They hold them in custody until they appear. The law even gives authority to use force if necessary, if the offender resists. Parents in The 60s used the same authority to prevent Fail To Appear at school, work, practice, and Church.

  

Post-Modern Emptiness is not exclusive to Church. Post-Modern Emptiness has spread anywhere that effort and exertion are needed in mind-body-soul. More work demanded, more emptiness. Post-Modern Emptiness has become an epidemic any place where relationship-building needs work. Post-Modern Emptiness became both a problem and a solution. Emptiness and absence became solutions in the minds of student-athletes and adults who had been taught to not show up when it was time to work hard. And then they were rewarded for not showing up. Absence has been rewarded with Absence of Consequence in the Post-Modern C.F.L.—Consequence-Free Life. How did it happen? Kids made adult decisions. Adults made kid decisions. AssBackward Mentality. Result? Life shrunk, attendance shrunk. The attendance-absence ratio reversed. Decision-making authority reversed. Result? Culture Shock.

Culture Shock is a state of disorientation that leads to dysfunction. Heading up the list of dysfunction is dysfunctional relationships starting with personal relationships of mind, body, soul. When mind-body-soul are not aligned, you align with no one else and with nothing else. No alignment, no assignment. Disconnected and fragmented. Dual meaning. What was valued in the 60s in not valued today in My 60s. Showing up was valued by over 90%. That’s why over 90% showed up. Presence was valued, absence was not valued. Absence carried consequence that worked from the inside-out, starting with the conscience. In the 60s, the most compelling consequence for absence was intrinsic. Your Inner Self felt the intrinsic consequence. In the 60s, it was called “guilt.” Back then, guilt worked. Dual meaning. When guilt stops working, conscience stops working. And vice-versa. Then, the will to work stops working. Result? Life shrinks, attendance shrinks.

One immutable, irrefutable fact has existed since the beginning of civilization: human development cannot occur though self-directed learning. Children are incapable of learning a strong Moral Base through self-directed learning. Same with adults. Self-directed learning is a myth, propagated by self-professed experts to avoid the brutally hard work of teaching inherent to every single form of leadership including the coaching establishment, the education establishment and most importantly, parenting. The only thing humans are capable of learning on their own is the wrong choice. Wrong choices lead to building neural pathways that wire you up to keep doing the same wrong thing repeatedly until you consciously decide otherwise. All elements of human development—physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual—depend on which type of Performance Demand the mind makes on the body and soul.

There are two types of Performance Demands: good and bad. Here’s the good news and bad news. We supply what we demand, good or bad. And vice-versa. It’s humanly impossible for children to learn how to make mature, productive, moral, functional Performance Demands full of meaning and purpose, without being taught;  without a continuum of prerequisite external Performance Demands made by mature, responsible adults who have been Divinely Called to lead.

Post-Modern Society has taken its turn at using child development as a Social Experiment, using us all as lab rats. Reason? Post-Modern Society believes it’s smarter than anyone in the past. They even think they’re smarter than Most High God. We elect them, we hire them, we entrust them to make decisions about what our children will learn, how they will learn it, and from whom. They know more than any of our ancestors. Why? Because we have more screens. We can stick any size screen in front of a kid using the false pretence of learning, child care, babysitting, or anything else to reduce the Leadership Workload.

Leadership Fatigue. My generation suffers from it. We gave up leading, teaching, coaching, mentoring. We compromised. We sunk to Deep Complacency. We are all guilty of Code-Breaking. We broke Cultural Codes because of one simple reason: conformity. We conformed to Post-Modern Beliefs just to fit in. Why? Fear. Fear of being different. Fear of being original. Fear of hard work. Fear of being disliked. We lost our backbone, our nerve, our guts that we inherited from our ancestors who accomplished more than we ever have or ever will, with less.

The only thing we do better than our ancestors is complain. Make excuses. Blame. We complain about “kids these days.” We complain about how much it’s changed from The 60s to My 60s. But, we let it happen. We were handed a fortune by our ancestors who spilled their guts and their guilts building structures, multiple meanings. Instead of building on their structures, we destroyed them. We abdicated our leadership responsibility. We abandoned our cultural education and replaced it with Post-Modern Education that has dramatically increased illiteracy. Dual meaning. We can’t read or write. We can’t read the signs. We can’t even see the signs. Synchronistic Spiritual Promptings have been drowned out by our screens. We have relinquished discernment in favour of screens, hoping to fill voids and emptiness—intellectually, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

Remove struggle, nothing improves. One of the top 26 reasons why attendance shrunk at practice, in the gym, in class, is absence of The Struggle. Same with Church. The human mind is work-averse. The Weak Mind associates struggle with real or imaged pain that will exceed it’s pain threshold. Left unchecked, the mind habitually responds to any challenge by pushing the wrong switch. It pushes the Flight Switch instead of the Fight Switch. Our ancestors fought. Our ancestors were fighters—we are Flighters. We’ll take any flight—dual meaning—to any destination, at any cost, affordable or not, to escape.

Here’s what I’ve taught over 25,000 student-athletes: there’s no escape when you take Flight. There’s just more Fight, dual meaning. 1st meaning: the degree of difficulty of the challenge you escaped from, gets worse. 2nd meaning: the Inner Fight manifests in Extreme Cognitive Dissonance when you ignore the voice of conscience. We pay a price that no one can afford with Killer Stress when we contradict our conscience, when we know better but don’t do better. The price skyrockets just like the price of houses, price of food, price of gas, price of education, in this out-of-whack Canadian economy.

Here’s the irony. Life shrunk to the size of screens. Attendance shrunk. But the cost of living didn’t.

Good news. Solutions are not shrinking.

Bad news. Voices are shrinking.

Continued in part 5

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

February 25, 2025

I knew it was a sin, but I prayed for no one to show up at Church.

Back in The 60s, there was a 3-tier curriculum for teaching “sins” at St. Patrick’s School. The Religion teacher taught the Basics of Sin. Venial Sin and Mortal Sin. A kid in our class started a rumour that Mortal Sin meant you would die on-the-spot. The next level of sin curriculum was taught by the Principal. The highest level of sin curriculum was taught by The Priest during his regular visits. They taught us that intent mattered. Dual meaning. Did you mean to do it? And it was a sin if you intended for it to happen, even if it didn’t. Sin of Intention: praying for a bad intention or even just hoping for a bad intention. No one asked the teacher or the Principal or The Priest what type of sin it was if you intentionally hoped or prayed for a bad intention. We didn’t want to know. We rationalized that not knowing the classification of the sin sounded better and felt better.

I knew that hoping and praying for no one to show up for Benediction was a sin but I did it anyway. The altar was packed for Benediction. The Church was almost packed for every Benediction. Not one, not two, three altar servers were need every Benediction, every…single…Sunday. I prayed for an empty church hoping The Priest would cancel Benediction so we could show up on time for street-ball to prevent being harassed and insulted by public school street-ball teams for going to Church too much. In The 60s, everything was packed, including streets. Every sport, every season. And neighbourhoods were packed with kids—street-ball-aged kids.

Neighbourhoods had their own teams. All teams were territorial. Each team identified themselves with by their level of insults. In The 60s, insults were socially acceptable. And expected. They didn’t start calling it “trash-talking” until the 80s. Before then, they kept it simple. Dual meaning. Simple insults. And they simply called it “insults.” The 60s weren’t complicated. Getting to the point mattered. Being offended wasn’t recognized in The 60s. Insults were governed by an Exchange Rate. You were expected to exchange insults at par or higher. Showing up late for street-ball because of Benediction guaranteed intensity of insults exchanged.

My prayers were never answered. They showed up. Almost packed Church at 1 p.m. Nothing cancelled Benediction. No snow days, no heat days, no storm warnings, no outbreaks. There was no Weather Network. Just 13 channels if you had a modern antenna. And there was no air conditioning. Not one Benediction was cancelled. Not during the pre-season or regular season or post-season. Benediction affected street-ball every season.

Prayers didn’t work. They showed up. We asked ourselves, “Why?” Public school kids asked us, “Why?” Why did they show up for Benediction just an hour after 11 o’clock Mass? It was a mystery to us but not to them. They knew why they showed up. The real mystery would have been if no one showed up. That was answer to “why.” No one wanted to be part of a mystery back then. Being part of a mystery contradicted Culture. Whatever mysteries you had in your mind were private. You didn’t publicize your mysteries in The 60s. Mysteries were to be solved, not avoided, and never participated in. Reason? Alignment and assignment. The absence of mystery led to agreement, to shared beliefs, principles, and values. And vice-versa. Agreement lead to absence of mystery. The Culture Code was simple: don’t be a mystery but be a mystery.

There were no Screen Addictions on The 60’s. You didn’t walk around with screens. You didn’t stare at screens. The only screen that mattered was the one in the confessional between you and The Priest. Alignment and assignment. In The 60s, weekly Confession was the solution to all your sins, intentional or otherwise. The outcome of the intended sin didn’t matter. Even if they showed up, you showed up at 4 p.m. every Saturday. Lined up, fessed up. Sins added up but you weren’t allowed to add them up and go once a month or once a year at Christmas or Easter.

The religion teacher at St. Patrick’s School taught us not to lie about Sin Quantity or Sin Quality. Never diminish the severity of the sin. And never diminish the quantity of sins. Honesty out, honesty in. And vice-versa. Count them up because they all counted. Like with compound interest, lying about the number of sins multiplied Sin Quality. And they taught us that a low number of sins was suspicion of holding back sins. They taught us that The Priest was trained in Sin Credibility. So we padded the Sin List. It didn’t feel like a sin to lie about a higher number of sins. We rationalized that lying about sins you didn’t commit just to be credible to The Priest was good practice just in case you forgot some sins or underestimated the bad things you said or did or didn’t do. It always made you nervous, confessing to praying for an empty Church. You worried about being identified by The Priest. There was enough room on the left side of the screen in the confessional to sheild your face hoping to prevent facial recognition. Other “protect your identity” strategies were discussed with classmates: lowering your voice or whispering; using a fake accent; blocking your face with your hands. Mumbling, like when you forgot Latin during Mass, wouldn’t work because you had to confess that you mumbled during Mass when you forgot your Latin lines.

Even the incense was packed. None of us really knew the purpose of Benediction. If we were taught, we forgot. One reason was that Benediction made you nervous. Some kid spread a rumour that the incense would explode and kill you if you packed too much and too tight. They used to use incense pucks. Then they switched to powder. Or the other way around. They taught you to pack incense up to a line that was visible only on the inside of the Incense Holder that The Priest swung. And you were responsible for tightening the Incense Holder. Some kid spread a rumour that it was a Mortal Sin to play a practical joke by not tightening the Incense Holder. If the incense pucks flew out, you would die on the spot. Public school street-ball teams insulted you for smelling like incense. So did the Catholic street-balls teams. Incense Insults unified religious denominations.

Be careful what you pray for. They stopped showing up. Benediction was cancelled. Nothing is packed any more. Not church, not masses, not confession, not weddings, not funerals, not even streets. Street-ball disappeared about the same time as 1 pm Benediction.

Fifteen years of policing taught me that you can’t solve the mystery of absence with the absence of evidence. And before you search for presence of evidence, you need to identify the cause of absence. All absence boils down to a Relationship Break-up of some kind. There are 26 main causes of all relationship break-ups. The top four causes are:

1. Someone said something,
2. Someone didn’t say something.
3. Someone did something.
4. Someone didn’t do something.

Every change in a relationship boils down to a change of words and works. Too much and not enough. Too much of the bad kind or not enough of the good kind. Wrong choice of words, wrong choice of works. Pain versus pleasure. It’s easy to blame change on isolation and in isolation. But in reality, all change for good or bad always happens contextually…there’s always context, there’s always a complex interaction of tangible and intangibles that build an emotional network of inducement that affects intention. Intention to appear and intention to disappear.

All change, good or bad, is promoted by need. Needs change. We change needs. Every human shares a common list of Basic Survival Needs. Then we customize our own  individual list by constantly adding and subtracting Personalized Basic Survival Needs. When Basic Survival Needs align, places get packed. When they don’t align, emptiness happens. Multiple meanings.

Change alters needs. And vice-versa. Result? Adaption or extinction. Get stronger or get weaker. Applies on or in any field. The fight between adapting to changing needs and need to change is not won by the weak-willed. Lose the fight and the result is an extreme case of Cognitive Dissonance, defined as the painful inner conflict that burns inside an individual, a team, or an organizations when actions contradict beliefs. And vice-versa. And when works contradict words. And vice-versa. Cognitive Dissonance is inner conflict caused by crossing your heart, by believing one thing but doing another. Knowing better but not doing better. And vice-versa. Left unchecked, the Downward Spiral Effect. Structure breaks. Culture shatters with it. Cognitive Dissonance is a change agent. It forces change to relieve the psychological pain of inner conflict. There are only two choices to relieve Cognitive Dissonance: i) confess. Admit the truth; or, Or ii) justifying by lying, denying, and alibying. One choice raises the standards, the other lowers them.

The strength of every relationship spiritually, professionally, personally, and with self, always has been and always will be dependent on a four-letter word that frightens Post-Modern Society: work. Work strikes fear because of real or imaged pain of struggle and sacrifice. The easiest way to clear out any Post-Modern Room is mention work. Work complicates and threatens more relationships than any other tangible or intangible factor. The more it complicates, the more debates. The more debates, the more chance a relationship terminates. And vice-versa.

Good news. The Plain View Doctrine helps solves any mystery of absence. And of presence. There’s a 90% chance that the most compelling evidence is in Plain View. The evidence in Plain View is directly connected to Worldview and Workview. When attendance is down to a few, the problem is Worldview and Workview.

Good news. There’s a solution. I’ll explain in part 4.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

February 19, 2025

It would cost me a fortune to be an altar boy today, compared to The 60s.

Back then, they taught us it was a sin to pray for more funerals. And for more weddings. It was tempting. But I don’t remember ever praying for more funerals or more weddings. Reason? There were always plenty of both at St, Patrick’s Church. It paid off—dual meaning.

Five dollars in the 60s has the equivalent worth of $53.29 purchasing power today. Over 10 times the equivalent worth made it worth it to be an altar boy at St. Patrick’s in the 60s. No one ripped you off in the 60s. They paid for it. The “Youth Minimum Wage” in the 60s was 90 cents. The starting minimum wage for Altar Serving at weddings and funerals in the 60s was Five Bucks. Over 5 times minimum wage made it worth it to be an Altar Boy at St. Patrick’s in the 60s. It caused passive aggressive envy and jealousy among relatives and classmates who were altar boys at St. John Bosco and St. Theresa. Most of them called us liars. They didn’t believe we got paid 5 bucks per wedding and funeral. Even back then, money caused conflict with our peers even though we knew it was a sin and it contradicted our Cultural Code of Financial Silence. We all learned the Code of Silence: never talk about how much you make, never ask how much anyone else made, and never, ever show off that you made more. They called it “show off” back then. No one used “narcissist” back then. The word wasn’t in anyone’s vocabulary because it wasn’t allowed. Everyone was aligned back then. There was zero tolerance for narcissism. No need to even talk about it. Dual meaning. Narcissism or money.

I’m not making this up. A week never went by in The 60s without a wedding or funeral or both at St. Patrick’s Church. They paid for it.

Five bucks per wedding. Five bucks per funeral. Masses weren’t short back then. One hour. Guaranteed. Weddings, funerals, Sundays. All 4 seasons. Hot or cold. 60 minutes. There was no Altar Boy union. No Collective Bargaining Agreement. Just Honour Code. They paid in full every time. Not one grievance. Not one labour dispute. They paid on time, every time. They paid as soon as the bodies left the church. Dual meaning. Funerals and weddings.

They never paid by cheque or direct deposit. No credit card, no Debit card. Cash only. They always put the cash in an envelope. Southern Italians called it “La Busta.” I never threw away an envelope. Not one. It was part of my Italianomics degree that I learned and earned from my poor illiterate, southern-Italian immigrants, Antonio and Maria. We recycled in The 60s. And re-used. And re-sold. It all added up in dollars and cents. And sense. Common sense was taught back then. And used. And enforced. So was Common Cents. Sense and cents added up. The objective of Common Sense and Common Cents was to earn Uncommon Sense and Uncommon Cents. Alignment and assignment. Everyone was aligned back them. Our assignment was to  improve. Don’t rest and don’t rest on past wins and successes. When you did a great job, it was expected. So was doing it again and doing it even better.

Bank savings-account interest in The 60s was 5.75%. It was the same interest rate for a Canada Savings Bond. If you invested just $5 in 1965 and left it, it would double every 14 years. It would be worth over $80 today. They never gave altar boys T4 slips back then. I don’t know for sure what my career earnings were as an altar boy but it was a lot. I thought I was rich. My altar boy career earnings combined with manual labour jobs helped me buy a used car, in cash, when I turned 16. And it helped me buy a house when I was 20. I’m not making this up. I paid the cost of a 2025 tank of gas for my first used car. People laughed at it. They called it a piece of junk. But it fit Italianomics Principles: buy only what you need, buy only what you can afford. Cash only, no showing off. Just get the job done, don’t try to impress anyone.

A lot of people died in The 60s. And a lot of people got married. Every funeral, ever wedding was packed. Jam packed,. Standing room only. The more people, the bigger the mess, the bigger chance of financial success for altar boys. They paid to clean up messes back then. Bigger the mess, bigger chance of a tip or bonus. Littering wasn’t an offence back then so they threw rice at weddings. All four seasons. Inside the church and out. Rice Clean duties started during pictures. Windy days blew the Kleenex flowers off parked cars all over King St, Victoria St., West St. Kent St., Adelaide St. The bigger the mess, bigger the financial success. Tips, bonuses. Double, even triple income. People tipped 100% back then. No tips less than 5 bucks. It was tempting not to make more mess by ripping flowers off cars and throwing more rice when no one was looking. We discussed it. But it was a sin back then. And there were consequences. In The 60s, there was no such thing as The C.F.L. (Consequence Free Life). Everyone paid for it. Dual meaning.

Double-header weddings in The 60s were common. So were funerals. 10 am and 2 pm. Back to back weddings and funerals often earned $40. Cash. Two separate “Bustas.” Funerals were the only way to legally skip school. All you needed was a note from the Priest. The adrenaline rush was palpable before Sunday Mass when The Reader made the First Publication of Marriage. Three Publications were The Law in The 60s. Three announcements of who was getting married and when. You did the math with very Publication. Five bucks plus tips. But you had to be careful not to break your focus about the Latin reading at the beginning of Mass if you were named “Starting Altar Boy.”

When I forgot the Latin words, I learned how to improvise by either mumbling or speaking Broken Italian words I learned as my first language from my poor illiterate Italian immigrant parents. It was easy to get away with mumbling or speaking Broken Italian instead of Latin because of the Upper Deck. The Upper Deck at St. Patrick’s was jam-packed with the choir on the left side and those who arrived late on the right side. The full-blast singing was always loud enough to drown out Latin, mumbling, or Broken Italian. If you felt guilty enough, you added it to the list of sins during weekly confession at 4 pm… every, single, Saturday. In The 60s, I learned the 10-90 Rule of Sin: if there was a 10% chance it was a sin, it was 100% a sin. You were too scared to miss confession. Rumour spread that The Priest recognized every voice. Rumour spread that if your voice was missing, parents would notified. Alignment and assignment. Everyone in your world lived by the No/Go Principle.

No days off from confession.

Go to confession.

No days off from Mass.

Go to Mass.

Guilt was big back then. Dual meaning. Your conscience made you feel Big Guilt. And guilt was a Big Deal. Guilt was fashionable and acceptable in The 60s. No one sheltered you from guilt. Alignment and assignment. You were on your own, having to deal with your conscience 365-24-7. In The 60s, there was no WiFi Connection. They taught you Conscience Connection. It didn’t matter what language your conscience spoke. You learned how to translate, communicate, and relate with your conscience. Your relationship with your conscience sounded the same, looked the same, and felt the same as with every other relationship. Alignment and assignment.

Voices were big in The 60s. Dual meaning. Voices were loud and loud voices were a Big Deal. They were fashionable and accepted. In The 60s, everyone’s voice sounded exactly the same as the Voice of Your Conscience. No difference. Parents voices, family voices, relative’s voices, teacher’s voices, principal’s voices, guidance counsellor’s voices, school cleaning staff voices, Priest’s voices, boss’s voices, TV voices. Even news, sports and weather voices. They sounded the same as the Voice of Your Conscience. No confusion. No frustration. No temptation. Sure there was temptation in The 60s but No Temptation was the joint social mission. Alignment and assignment. Temptation was strong in The 60s. Just as strong as in 2025. Maybe stronger. But the Voice of Your Conscience was stronger because it was part of a Team. A Fighting Team. Alignment and assignment. Every voice was aligned with your assignment. Every voice taught you to fight temptation and not fight with your conscience.

It was never an easy fight back then. But they never backed down. No matter how tired they were, your Fighting Team never suffered exhaustion. They never suffered Fighting Fatigue. Alignment and assignment was big in The 60s.

There’s a big difference between The 60s… being “in The 60s” and being “in My 60’s.” St. Patrick’s Church isn’t packed any more. Why? The 60s Voices are not big any more.

Good news. There’s a solution. I’ll explain in part 3.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

February 4, 2025

There’s a big difference between The 60s—being “in The 60s”—and being “in Your 60s.”

Back in The 60s, you couldn’t Google, “Latin translation into English” or vice-versa. There was no “Latin App” to teach you how to speak conversational Latin in two weeks. You learned the old-school way. They handed you a Mass Missal written in Latin and you had to memorize it. They gave you until “next Sunday, 11 a.m.” They didn’t use the words “stress” or “anxiety” back then. You just felt nervous until it went away on its own or by force.

Back then, you were not handed an application for the job of “Altar Boy.” The Priest came to St. Patrick’s School and told you where to sign up. Teachers and principals told you where to sign up. Parents told you where to sign up. No discretion, no choice. Alignment and assignment. They were connected—dual meaning. The alignment and assignment were connected together and society was connected by alignment and assignment.You couldn’t tell parents, teachers or principals, “I’ll think about it.” Or, “I’ll get back to you sometime next week.” Or, “I’ll try it out and see how I feel.” And you couldn’t tell them apart. They all sounded the same. Exactly the same. Same voice, same message. You signed up for the assignment because of alignment. Then, you fell in line. No discretion, no choice.

If you Google the origin of, “It’s not fair,” you’ll find that it originated after The 60s. Back in The 60s, there was no one to complain to that it wasn’t fair. “It’s not fair,” wasn’t part of anyone’s language, not English or whatever language your parents spoke. No one understood, “it’s not fair.” Reason? Alignment. Everyone was aligned with the same mentality, same ideology, same philosophy, same principles, same beliefs. Parents, families, relatives, neighbours, teachers, principals, bosses, coaches, Priests, doctors, dentists, business owners, media, all of them were aligned. They all sounded the same. No contradiction, no confusion. You heard one message. One voice—dual meaning—the voice of your conscience sounded exactly the same as every voice in your life. No mixed messages. No ambiguity. Alignment was straightforward and kept you moving straightforward. The place didn’t matter—home, school, street, Church—you heard the same voice as the voice of your conscience. Everywhere you went, you heard Same Voices.

There was no selection process, no interviews, no testing. You memorized your lines and sat on the bench until you became a starter. St. Patrick’s Church had two benches that met at 45-degree angles, on both sides of the altar. You sat on the bench and watched the starters until you made the “Altar Boy Starting Line-up.” They taught you the basics and gave you a uniform. A surplice and robe.

Until writing this article, I thought surplice was spelled “surplus.” Google taught me that I had said it wrong and spelled it wrong from The 60s to My 60s. I’m positive they never called it a “robe.” They called it a “surtan.” I think. But there’s nothing on the internet about a “surtan.” They told you: you wore a black robe on ordinary Sundays, you wore red robes on Christmas and Easter. Back then in The 60s, every Mass was packed like Christmas and Easter in My 60s. No exception. Every Mass in the 60s was jam-packed. Standing-room only. Ushers did traffic control, inside and outside. There were traffic jams on King St., Victoria St., Kent St., West St,, even Adelaide and Catharine Streets.  And there were traffic jams inside St. Patrick’s Church in The 60s. Big difference now in My 60s.

Being an Altar Boy was a matter of life and death. They warned you, “Don’t burn down the Church” when they taught you how to reach the candles with the 5-foot candle-lighter, at “exactly five minutes before Mass Time.” The chalice had to be filled, placed in the tabernacle, “and don’t ever touch the Host. Ever.” No one asked what would happen if you did touch the Host. No one wanted to know. Two small glass bottles had to be filled with wine and water and placed next to a towel folded according to code. Then they showed you how to ring the bells, when, and for how long. They warned you not to get your surplice caught in the bells so you didn’t drag the bells across the altar. No one asked what would happen if you did. No one wanted to know. You weren’t allowed to go back into the Sacristy after Mass started. Not even to use the bathroom. Not even if you got sick. No one asked what would happen if you did. No one wanted to know.

You had to go to Confession every Saturday before Sunday Mass. Every Saturday, 4 pm. No choice. No discretion. “Bless me Father for I have sinned,” followed by your list of weekly sins. Back then in The 60s, you always got at least 5 Our Fathers, 5 Hail Mary, and 5 Acts of Contrition as minimum-sentence penance. There was no leniency. No exception. Until things changed sometime after 1970. You suffered Culture Shock the first time the Priest said, “One good Our Father and one good Hail Mary.” That was about the same time they changed the “Host Rules,” allowing you to take the Host in your hands at Communion. When we started our Altar Boy careers in The 60s, there was no Host-to-hand Communion transfer. Two Altar boys held a table cloth between the Priest and the person receiving Communion. In case the Host missed the mouth. Even then, they taught you, “Never touch the Host.”

There was no 4-year Altar Boy career like high school, college or university. I tried to quit when I started grade 6 at Holy Cross. My resignation was rejected. By everyone. Alignment and assignment. Everyone back then in The 60s said, and understood the word, “No.” My poor illiterate, Italian Immigrant parents Antonio and Maria were uneducated. They spoke only Broken Italian and Broken English. But they knew how to say, “No.” Like every other voice in your life, including the voice of your conscience. No voice was afraid to tell you, “No.”

Sick days from serving Mass?

No.

Vacation days from serving Mass?

No.

Skip Mass to sleep in?

No.

Any request to Fail To Appear?

No.

Quitting the Altar Boy job?

No.

We asked veteran Altar boys how long we had to be Altar boys. Some said, until you got a driver’s licence. Some said until you left home. Others said until you got married. One guy said, “for life.” I’m not making this up. Grown men, ex-Altar Boys sometimes made a surprise appearance on Christmas, Easter, or when the Bishop showed up for Confirmation. I started to worry that there was no way out. No retirement, early or otherwise.

When you made the starting lineup, you had to worry about two things: forgetting your Latin Lines and Stage Fright. Back then in The 60s, every seat was taken, every Mass. You felt all eyes on you. There was no privacy. Your workplace was public. In plain view. No reasonable expectation of privacy. I admit it. In My 60s, I talk about how tough it was in The 60s. And how easy they have it in My 60s. We had to serve Mass in front of a sold-out crowd, every week. They got it easy today.

There’s a big difference between The 60s—being “in The 60s” and being “in My 60s.” No traffic jam. Outside or inside St. Patrick’s Church. Why? No alignment, no assignment.

Good news. There’s a solution. I’ll explain it in Part 2.

#MuchLove

Blessings & all good things

#peace

Gino Arcaro

January 22, 2025