It\u2019s depressing and disturbing. It might give you nightmares. Unless you’re used to watching a lot of cable TV crime stories and news and scrolling your newsfeed\u2014then this case study will be normal for you. While you read it, you will probably wonder what this true story has to do with the crisis of people not showing up for Mass. It has everything to do with the “Fail To Appear For Mass” crisis. This case explains the cause and explains the solution\u2026 if you\u2019re willing to think outside the box. If not, you won\u2019t see the connection.<\/p>\n
In 1982, I was 25 year-old, 7-year street-cop veteran. I was working an afternoon shift, assigned to patrol a poor, run-down, High-Crime district.\u00a0 <\/span>Dual meaning. I was dispatched to an apartment building regarding an \u201cUnknown Problem\u201d call. The superintendent met me in the lobby and escorted me to a 4th floor apartment. Reason? The tenant was overdue in rent. He had not been seen for over a week, and other tenants were complaining about a foul odour coming from the apartment. We entered. A dead body was found inside. The unrecognizable victim was eventually identified as a 54 year-old man who lived alone. A long “Sudden Death” investigation started.<\/p>\n The first issue was identifying the victim\u2014figuring out who he was. Dual meaning. It\u2019s bad enough when no one knows your name when you die. It\u2019s worse when no one knows anything about you when you were alive, including you. A lot of people spend their entire lives in the dark, not knowing exactly who they are. They rely on everybody else\u2019s opinions instead of their own hardcore evidence. It\u2019s easy to forget that opinions are mere suspicion, based on hearsay, speculation, conjecture, and flat-out lies. Who should know all the hardcore evidence about yourself that proves who you really are? You. But, Post-Modern Society has evolved into an opinion-oriented culture\u2014we have keyboards and screens and newsfeeds and friends and followers and likes and shares\u2014making us believe in make-believe. It\u2019s easy to make people believe baseless opinions about themselves and about everyone else, because make-believe requires no work, no effort, no investigative commitment, no work to dig up evidence. All that\u2019s needed is biased subjectivity and equally-biased worldview and workview. That\u2019s why many people identify themselves by what others think and by the unqualified opinions that others make of them, both good and bad, instead of what they know can be proved by existing hardcore evidence.<\/p>\n The second issue was time of death. Dual meaning. First meaning: official time that life ended, as defined by a Coroner. Second meaning: the time that the victim stopped living even though he was still officially alive. It takes more work to figure out the time the victim stopped feeling fully alive, while officially alive. In cases like this, where no one witnessed the official time that life ended, you need to find who last saw the victim alive. Another dual meaning. Last time the victim was seen officially alive and breathing. and the last time he was living fully alive, fully vibrant, fully passionate, fully engaged, expressing his soul while lifting the souls of others. It\u2019s never clear which one is harder to prove. But one thing is certain\u2014they both involved the issue of “just existing.”<\/p>\n There are those who are “just existing” and there are those who are “soul lifting.” All of it boils down to investigating Existential Crisis, the questioning of purpose, meaning, or lack thereof. The duality of Existential Crisis is deeply and profoundly connected to cause-of-death, including who caused it, why, when, and how. The investigation of every Existential Crisis always uncovers a trail of red flags. The seamless path of cautionary evidence that was intentionally ignored or conveniently overlooked to avoid the dreaded unpleasant condition of inner conflict\u2014Cognitive Dissonance\u2014that we all prefer to avoid. Ironically Cognitive Dissonance explodes worse than ever when the realization hits that the human mind can become the enemy by conjuring limitless justification to avoid facing and fighting Existential Threat. Why? Changing is too challenging. Too much work involved in changing. Too much effort. Too much discomfort. Too much real or imagined pain. Instead of suffering the pain needed to change, stay the same. Existential Threats don\u2019t go away on their own. They have to be confronted in order to fight them to accomplish the change needed to eliminate the Existential Threat. But the problem is the same old story: the human mind is work-averse, especially averse to the work needed to change, even when it\u2019s a matter of life-and-death.<\/p>\n Forensic testing determined an estimated time-of-death being about a month before the body was discovered. But for the first time in my police career, I found zero witnesses who could remember seeing the victim alive (both meanings). I called Distant Relatives. Dual meaning: the victim\u2019s family who distanced themselves long before by moving away and staying away; and, some far-removed relatives who were distant relatives by the conventional definition. None of them had anything good to say about the victim. Nothing good to say, no wonder they stayed away. And vice-versa. None of them could remember the last time they had seen saw alive (both meanings). All of them declined to travel back home to make burial arrangements or attend the funeral. Not one of them were cooperative on the phone. No one in the apartment building remembered the last time they had seen the victim alive (both meanings). None of them knew anything about the victim. None of them wanted to have anything to do with the victim while he was alive or now that he was dead.<\/p>\n What was the cause of death? Self-sabotage. Investigation discovered evidence of self-inflicted harm caused over several years of self-neglect and an unwillingness to change despite myriad warning signs. What\u2019s this got to do with the crisis of not showing to Mass? Everything. The conclusions reached and lessons learned regarding this Sudden Death of a human being applies to the Sudden Death of any team, organization, any culture. Here are the top 6 lessons learned:<\/p>\n No one, including the victim, paid attention to the Existential Threat. The Existential Threat was a long, gory story. The details would traumatize you so I\u2019m leaving them out. Like with every Existential Threat, the worst part of the Existential Threat in this case, was Plain View Evidence. But it was ignored because ignoring the Existential Threat was easier and required less work and effort than fighting the Existential Threat. Ignoring the Existential Threat was less painful. Ironically, more pain was suffered leading to a call to The Coroner to pronounce official death.<\/p>\n The Existential Threat in this case worked from the inside-out. The Existential Threat could have been eliminated by effecting change. There was an abundance of evidence that necessitated change and gave a Plain View Solution. But the worst happened\u2026 the victim was left behind. In The 60s, 70s and 80s, they called it Getting Dumped. This victim Got Dumped. He got dumped, people stopped showing up, everyone knew the reason, but no one did a single thing to change the situation. Everything stayed exactly the same. All they did was complain. The first sign of Existential Threat getting ignored, is constant complaining about the problem that drains all the energy that should be directed to doing the work to change.<\/p>\n Getting Dumped is the outcome of a gradual process that gains momentum when it faces no resistance. Getting Dumped is the outcome of a steady decline of attention that leads to tension. It builds up into the attention-tension conflict. Attention deficit, tension surplus. There\u2019s a sequence that leads to Getting Dumped. First, things get boring. Then they start ignoring. And vice-versa. Ignoring is dangerous. You can\u2019t see<\/b> the Existential Threat but your intuition does its job. It warns you of the threat. But when you\u2019re ignoring and being ignored, the Existential Threat is next\u2026 it is ignored for a wide range of complex psychological reasons, but it all boils down to one simple fact: stagnation. Resistant to change. Refusal to grow. Keep the Status Quo.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a reason they call it Growing Apart. One side grows, the other doesn\u2019t. You grow apart. When you don\u2019t grow and they do, you grow apart. Result? No attention, growing tension. The only thing that grows is resentment when they don\u2019t show. Vicious cycle. Dual meaning: a cycle of resentment and a fight between not showing and not growing. One of the top 26 worst types of harassment is badgering them for not showing up. Then they defend and offend by badgering you for not growing. The “No Show versus No Grow” conflict is the root cause of all domestic fights. Animosity grows to hostility and leads to invisibility. All because of the Status Quo. They outgrew you and outgrew it. The same happens with old clothes and old thinking. Darwinian Selection of Relationships. Strong relationships survive, but weak relationships die. Why? Didn\u2019t try. Didn\u2019t try to grow. Didn\u2019t fit any more but tried to make it fit when it’s been outgrown. Unfit relationship.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s one solution to the crisis of low attendance at Mass: be a Magnetic Force. What is “A Magnetic Force?” Instead of defining it with a long complicated academic definition, here\u2019s an a example: sold-out crowds. Check attendance at an NHL, NFL, NBA games. Check attendance at concerts. Jam-packed sold-out crowds despite grossly inflated prices, despite a grossly inflated Canadian economy that has made it unaffordable for the next generation to afford a house, a car, food, gas, and everything else my generation has been able to afford. What\u2019s the difference between sold-out crowds and no crowds? Magnetic Force. A force that doesn\u2019t just attract people. A force that pulls and drags people over and over and over again, even when they can\u2019t afford it. A force that compels people to pay obscene prices to make strangers rich while leaving themselves and their families poor. A force that pulls people to pay obscene prices for “Favourite Team Jerseys,” and yank them over their heads\u2014free advertising. Instead of getting paid a fortune to advertise for<\/b> them, they pay a fortune to <\/b>advertise them. Wearing their favourite team\u2019s jerseys, t-shirts, hats, at any cost just to identify with and idolize a group of strangers. Counter-intuitive business strategy. That\u2019s the super-power of a Magnetic Force. You pay to be a fan, pretending to be part of a team, while the team lives their dream.<\/p>\n And, when there\u2019s an Existential Threat to your favourite team not making the playoffs, you fans galvanize. Show up not just at games, show up at rallies, airports, parking lots, parade routes and fly flags advertising their favourite team\u2019s logo, on their front lawns, cars and at their workplaces. All for one purpose: fight the Existential Threat. When Canada faced an Existential Threat to become the 51st State, politicians formed Team Canada. Canadians bought Team Canada hats and shirts. Canadians flew Canadian flags on their front lawns, on their cars, at their workplaces. Canadians advertised their favourite political party, for free, to fight the Existential Threat.<\/p>\n What happened when the Catholic Church faced an Existential Threat? No Team Catholic was formed by politicians or parishioners. No fan club. No pep rallies. No one wore Team Catholic uniforms. No one flew a Team Catholic flag on their front lawn. No one campaigned door-to-door. More bad news. And worst of all, teir Farm Team didn\u2019t show up. The Catholic Church has its own Farm Team, a feeder system. It\u2019s called Catholic Schools. If everyone who worked and learned at Catholic Schools showed up, Churches would have sold-out crowds every week. Jam-packed. Just like the 60s.<\/p>\n The victim in the opening case study ignored Existential Threat to life. So did everyone else. He was left alone. Two things happened. He stopped living. Then he stopped living. The second time, they had to call the Coroner. Nothing was a secret. There was no mystery. Everyone knew all the reasons why everyone abandoned the victim. But, it was easy to pretend that the reason was a mystery. Back then they called it Living A Lie. Why? Because it\u2019s not living. Living A Lie is just existing, waiting to die.<\/p>\n Good news. There are solutions.<\/p>\n Bad news. It\u2019s easy to pretend that the solutions are a mystery.<\/p>\n Good news. The opening case study taught a valuable lesson: find out when was the last time the victim was seen fully alive, the victim felt alive, and the victim made others feel fully alive, before the Coroner has to get called. Don\u2019t let it get to the “No Signs of Life” stage. Don\u2019t let it get to the “White Chalk Outline” stage or the “Yellow Tape\u2014Crime Scene\u2014Do Not Cross” stage.<\/p>\n How? Continued in Part 10.<\/p>\n #MuchLove<\/p>\n Blessings & all good things<\/p>\n #peace<\/p>\n Gino Arcaro<\/p>\n April 23, 2025<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Warning: The opening case study is a morbid story. It\u2019s depressing and disturbing. It might give you nightmares. Unless you’re used to watching a lot of cable TV crime stories and news and scrolling your newsfeed\u2014then this case study will be normal for you. While you read it, you will probably wonder what this true […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1838","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1838","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1838"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1838\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1840,"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1838\/revisions\/1840"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1838"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1838"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stpatrickcatholic.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1838"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n